It has been brought to my attention that there is a movie called Retardead and it’s about a bunch of special people who were turned into flesh-eating zombies.
It just blew my mind. It also made me realize that it’s easy to come up with a high concept when zombies are involved. Why, just this morning while I was driving to work, I came up with 6 one-paragraph movie pitches that I hope some dickhead in Hollywood would steal and develop into real movies:
Zombie Sharks or Jaws of the Dead or Dead Blue Sea – It’s Deep Blue Sea meets 28 Days Later. Biologically enhanced superfast, supersmart and superstrong sharks get turned into zombies by an undersea laboratory accident. They attack scientists and other sea creatures. Those who survive get turned into zombies too, so by the end of the movie, we would have seen zombie dolphins, zombie manta rays and zombie whales. It’s an ocean of possibilities!
Zombie Pirates or Hoist the Zombie Colors or Davy Jones’s Locker Unleashed – When there’s no more room in Davy Jones’s locker, the denizens of the deep rise. Swashbuckling zombies terrorize fishing boats and aircraft carriers. The unstoppable undead plunder seaside towns, but not for gold or the warm company of wenches. They want brains. Yarrr.
Giant Zombie Monsters or Super Giant Zombie Monster Fun Time or Deadzilla – Tokyo, Japan. Godzilla battles an army of giant monsters to protect his noble city. The numbers game is too much for the unlikely hero. He dies. The evil army of monsters celebrate by leaving Tokyo in ruins. They celebrate by drinking giant cans of beer. As they get inebriated, a secret society of Japanese mystics and tentacle porn aficionados put a re-animation spell on Godzilla’s rotting carcass. Godzilla is no more. He rises as Deadzilla, hungry for giant monster brains and vengeance. IT. IS. ON.
Zombies vs. Aliens or Zombienauts or Zombie Armageddon – Finally, the day has come. A fleet of alien battleships surround Earth. Smaller ships enter the atmosphere. It’s time for INVASION! But these aliens are not ready for what they are about to see. The whole world is in chaos. Blood everywhere. Dead humans shambling about. They just walked into Day 1 of the Zombie Apocalypse. For the aliens, the zombies are just a disgusting bump on the road to Earth’s conquest. For the zombies, the aliens are just walking exotic brains waiting to be eaten. The battle begins and soon it spills into outer space as some aliens become zombie aliens, attacking their own ships stationed near the moon. In the middle of the Zombie-Alien War, humans crap their pants.
Zombie Buddy Road Movie or Route of the Dead or Dead & Deader – Alexander and Bob were best friends when they were still alive. After the Zombie Apocalypse, they still are. They eat brains together. They stalk human survivors together. They even harmonize when they moan. When the food supply on the East Coast, their hunting grounds, runs low, they embark on a heartwarming journey across America to find the fabled City of Survivors somewhere on the West Coast. It’s a tale of tragedy, trickery, discovery, gore and most of all, friendship. Between two zombies.
Exploding Zombies or ZomBOOM! or ZomBAY! – It’s just the classic “zombie-apocalypse-the-dead-rise-people-panic” story BUT DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY. Hot chicks. Explosions. Zombies. Trilogy. Practically a license to print money.
If these concepts already exist or if they’re already being developed, then BOO-YAH! If not, it’s just BOO.