OFFICE ZOMBIE WANTS YOU

What Would You Do If You Were Bitten By A Zombie?

Gino Carteciano General Dickery 21 Comments

Before you laugh at me, let’s be clear about this being just a theoretical question. We all know that zombies are not going to overrun the planet and that the world will actually end when the robots take over. So let’s just pretend that zombies are indeed going to show up to end the world as we know it. That being said, imagine yourself running around, looking for a safe haven in a world gone mad. You suddenly find yourself in a sticky situation and BAM! You’re bitten by a zombie. You manage to escape but the fact still remains — it’s only a matter of time before you turn into one of the living dead. What would you do?

The Walking Dead

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You have a few options to deal with this situation, but first, a few rules. We’re talking about slow, shambling George A. Romero zombies. They’re quite similar to the ones seen on AMC’s The Walking Dead. If you get bitten by one, you get a blazing hot fever and then you die. And then you come back to life as a mindless shell of a human being with an insatiable hunger for living human flesh. Let’s say the entire process of turning into a zombie takes around 8 hours. You have 8 hours to decide what you’re going to do. Here are your options:

1. Cut Off Your Limbs

There’s a chance that the infection can be cut off before it affects the rest of your body, specifically your brain. If you were bitten somewhere in your extremities, there’s a possibility to stop the zombification process by cutting off a limb. I would choose to do this only if I’ve seen it work on somebody else right in front of me. I don’t have the guts to have one of my limbs cut off without the assurance that I won’t turn into a zombie.

2. Blow Your Head Off

I would imagine everyone would be looking for guns when the Zombie Apocalypse happens, so there’s a big chance that you can easily find something to blow your brains out with. You can do it yourself or you can have one of your fellow survivors do it for you, but the most difficult task here is deciding if it really is the end for you. It’s terrifying to know that in a few hours, you’ll become one of the living dead, but maybe you can wait to see if you don’t turn into a zombie or maybe someone can come up with a cure at the very last minute. But the longer you wait, the higher the chance of you chomping away at your family or friends. I have to admit that I would prefer this option over the first one.

OFFICE ZOMBIE WANTS YOU

I WANT YOU. AND YOUR FLESH.

3. Surrender to the Hunger

If cutting off a limb is not an option — like if you were bitten on the neck or YOUR FACE — and if you don’t have the guts to die by having your head blown into bits with a gun or cut off with a machete, your final option is to just give in. The way you exist now is going to fade away anyway so you might as well join the winning team. We’re not sure what it actually feels like to be a zombie, so maybe there’s a chance that it’s actually endless bliss. You get to roam the land with nothing in your mind but “FEED! FEED! FEED!” I wouldn’t want to spend my undead life walking around until I stumble upon some living idiots who don’t know how to use a gun or a baseball bat, but a part of me is curious as to how it would feel to just submit to the constant hunger without being bothered by politics, economics, ethics and the Internet.

Suicide is a very attractive option when a zombie bite is involved, but if you’re going to die anyway, wouldn’t you want to know what it feels like to be on the other side? I know I would.

So. What would YOU do if you were bitten by a zombie?

Comments 21

  1. blood can travel like up to 10mph, fast nuff for a blood cell to travel 500 rounds in yer body… so cutting your limb off isn't such a good idea, unless you cut it off the instant ya get bitten.

    1. Good point! But since cutting off a limb a couple of minutes after a person was bitten prevented that person from becoming a zombie in The Walking Dead (comics), let's assume that the zombie virus (or whatever it is) does not hitch a ride on one's bloodstream. This gives us a few minutes to decide whether to chop off the limb or not.

      1. oh you! y'know that I know that y'know that the virus from these walkers travel through a person's bloodstream (though there are different iteration how the virus infects human flesh; airbourne/waterbourne). Though I would consider your point that the person bitten has a stronger immune system or the proximity of the bite from the brain/head, sometimes there are inconsistencies with the writer too (e.g. explanation/demonstration about the nature of the superhuman abilities of a character) either on purpose to enhance the current situation/plot or unintentional mistakes.

  2. Exactly. I find that the rule from The Walking Dead (e.g. you get a couple of minutes to cut off a limb before your brain gets infected) is more compelling than the more scientific rule you're talking about. More drama. Heh.

    1. That's the reason i love the Walking Dead. Drama. Drama! DRAMA!!! and I loved how the creator of the comic book is working closely with the tv guys in doing the adaptation. I loved it when guys who do the tv series considers the fans of the comic book too.

  3. I'd spend my remaining eight hours eating my burrito with my six-pack, and watch two soon-to-be zombies philosophizing about our imminent death.

  4. I've a better idea! I recommend if you can find a copy of PATIENT ZERO by Joe Ledger. It has everything bout a zombie story should be like/have. I promise you if you don't find it not one bit engrossing I'll give you permission to shoot me when I turn into a walker :)

  5. I'd totally run to the closest costume store, get a large chicken outfit, find some absurd amounts of fresh meat, lock myself in a glass room (somewhere public) and put on a sign saying "i did it for the lolz" … and hope someone finds a cure and decideds to help me out at their convenience c:

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  8. Some guy bit me on the arm 4 hours ago and it really hurts my vitals are weak and i'm burning up. I'm also really hungry. Anyone got any recomendations?

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  10. Strap a time bomb to your arse and set it to blow up 1 second before you turn into a zombie. That's what I would do.

  11. I would go back to my house and board up all the windows, spray paint BOSS LEVEL INSIDE on my door, then lock the door. Next I would stack all my precious items in the entry living room and barricade all the doors there as well. Still in that room, I would put on a ballistic helmet, body armor, and probably duct tape knives to my hands. Then I would wait.

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