Several hours to go before I get off work. Problem is there’s no work to be done. I’m bored. I’m tired of going to the smoking area to smoke because of the non-smokers who stay there and give me menacing stares. Jerks. I’ve visited all interesting websites and blogs I know of (that are non-porn in nature), and I’m too lazy to explore new ones. Already read all new messages in all the forums I visit. Already reached my daily limit of people to piss off (and on). What’s a bored boring person to do? More importantly, what would Jesus do?! Play The Kingdom of Loathing, of course!
Kingdom of Loathing is a browser-based multiplayer role-playing game that can only be described effectively when you’re drunk and nobody’s listening. The writing is humorous, filled with wit and parody. The graphics… well, two words: stick figures.
You will start the game by choosing your character class like Seal Clubber, Turtle Tamer, and Disco Bandit. For my character, I chose to be a Disco Bandit because I’m all mysterious and shit. Currently, my character is a level 6 Disco Bandit, also called a Sample Swindler. I just leveled up from being a Beat Snatcher before I started writing this crap. That’s how awesome my mysterious disco moves are.
In this game, you will be sent on quests. When you start the game, most of your quests will come from The Council of Loathing, but once you reach a certain level of awesomeness, you will be allowed to join guilds who will give you additional quests. Quests range from the mildly retarded to the insanely retarded. It may all seem strange and confusing at first, but don’t worry, you will be initially guided by The Toot Oriole (Get it? “Toot Oriole”? Tutorial? Haha! What a funny!) and maps like this:
In your quests, you will encounter, and usually engage in combat, several weird creatures. Creatures like the intense Perpendicular Bat.
But fear not, stupid adventurer! In your quests, you will be aided by equipment that you can… uh… equip. Like these:
Also, you can have a pet that will also function as your sidekick. These pets are called Familiars. You can also name them, which is just sweet. I named my current Familiar Prowler, who’s a 14-pound mosquito. As you gain experience, so does your Familiar. When your Familiar gains a level, it gains a pound. Plus, you can rename your Familiar as many times as you want! I’ll rename Prowler soon. The Mosquito Formerly Known As Prowler!
When you get beaten up by bats, rats, and carnivorous plants, you can rest at your campsite to regain some of your hit points. Sweet.
It may seem like a shallow game experience, but stick figures can be deceiving. There’s a lot to do in The Kingdom of Loathing, like trading, combining, selling, and buying stuff. Here’s one of the characters you can get stuff from:
And here are some of the stuff you can get from him:
If you’re bored as hell and if you want to be just like Jesus, go play The Kingdom of Loathing! Killing time and avoiding porn at work will never be the same again.