Remember when I told you guys I’ll be publishing a Weekly Haul post every Sunday or Monday? Sure you don’t. But let’s pretend you regularly visit my blog and you remember what I’m talking about. OK. Well, it seems I bit off more than I can chew. Seeing that whenever I get drunk on a Friday night (or is it Saturday morning?), I spend the whole weekend recovering from a bitchin’ hangover. And I’m trying really hard to cut down on my comics buying spree every freakin’ week. Then there’s the matter of laziness while wondering if anyone’s interested in what I’m talking about, except for other comic book geeks. But I’m not doing this for the masses, am I? Am I? No. Err… no.
So with that lame excuse for a “late” blog post, let me go ahead and bore you some more with this week’s haul. Boring SPOILERS ahead!
52 #45: I don’t know what’s more bad-ass, Black Adam killing “millions” of Bialya’s citizens, or him grabbing Renee Montoya by the face and shoving her down to the ground. I mean, grabbing a lesbian chick by the face! That’s frickin’ bad-ass! But I have to give it to the genocide of Bialyans(?!).
Oh wait. Here’s a more bad-ass situation: Black Adam killing Death! Seriously, how many magically powered genocidal superhumans can say that they killed Death?
Black Adam’s pissed, and the whole world’s pissing their pants. The 52 creative team is on a roll towards the finish line, and I can’t wait for the big ka-boom in the end.
I give this 4 out of 5 Chinese superheroes with stupid names.
Captain America #25: I got it one week late, but it was worth it. A first printing copy of the comic that took American media by storm. The death of Captain America.
The flashbacks, seen through several characters’ eyes, read like a eulogy. It was heart-wrenching. We’re talking about a fictional character here, but the emotion is there. The sense of loss is there. The sense of grief is there. It’s real. Kudos to Ed Brubaker for crafting a story that brought the emo to the real world.
We all know he’ll be back, but we don’t know when. Just like Jesus.
I give this 5 out of 5 rednecks crying for the loss of a fictional character.
Civil War: The Confession: It’s true what Marvel said at the start of Civil War. Tony Stark will be the most interesting character for the foreseeable future.
Brian Michael Bendis has written a heart-wrenching confession from Tony Stark. This is where we find out what pushed Tony to oppose Cap in the war. And this is where we see Iron Man confess the truth to Cap’s dead body. And the truth is that going through the Civil War and winning it wasn’t worth it.
The second story in this issue is less emo, but still a satisfying read. The last conversation between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark isn’t what you’d call friendly, and that makes reading Tony’s confession again much more painful. Bravo to Bendis and Alex Maleev.
I give this 5 out of 5 bald S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.
New Avengers #28: I thought I’ve seen everything in comics, but I was wrong. The Silver Samurai watching “Mean Girls” doesn’t sound right, but it’s fuckin’ hilarious.
In a flashback moment, we see the group coming together and trying to rescue Captain America, who they think is still alive. Suckers. They get ambushed by the Mighty Avengers and we get to see the start of a mini Civil War.
Back to the “present”, the team beats up the Silver Samurai. After invading his home. What a bunch of douche bags.
I give this 3 out of 5 weird looking Wongs.
New X-Men #36: The first part of the issue, although featuring a fight between teen aged mutants and 3 mutant-hunting killing machines, bored me. Or I might have just been distracted by the hot naked red-head mutant running about.
What made me sit up was the arrival of the Astonishing X-Men, the rest of the New X-Men, and a frakkin’ Sentinel! And Rockslide. “Dude! There’s evil robot grizzly bears in here! That rules!”
Honestly, I was waiting for hot lesbian action between X-23 and Mercury towards the end of the issue, but no dice. Pfft.
I give this 3 out of 5 evil robot grizzly bears.
Punisher War Journal #5: This isn’t a story about Frank Castle. This is the story of Ian, a member of the N.Y.P.D.’s Auxiliary Force. He’s basically a civilian in uniform. It’s a lovely story.
A hostage situation, seemingly masterminded by G.W. Bridge, is going smoothly. Bushwacker, seemingly Bridge’s hired gun, has got it all under control. Until Ian steps up and ruins everybody’s day. The ruse to lure out the Punisher works, but the plan to arrest him fails miserably. All thanks to Ian. What a guy.
After this Times Square drama, everybody gets hit with the news of Captain America’s death. And it takes this grave a news to stop the Punisher on his tracks and go emo and stuff. Brilliant work by Matt Fraction and Ariel Olivetti.
I give this 5 out of 5 inept N.Y.P.D. cops.
Thunderbolts #112: I’m starting to get a hang of Mike Deodato’s artwork. He draws fine women, but I think he’s also improving on facial expressions and action scenes.
Not a lot of action in this issue, although there’s a lot of insight into what’s going on in the minds of these “monsters”. That Tommy Lee Jones, I’m sorry, Norman Osborn guy is one scary fothermucker.
It looks like the T-Bolts have a new target, or is that targets? I hope they get to beat up more than one lame hero next time because with this much firepower and crazy fucks in one roster, it’s stupid to let them just sulk in the dark and kick lame-ass heroes in the face all the time.
I give this 4 out of 5 slutty characters in skin-tight outfits.
I also got Marvel Spotlight: Civil War: Aftermath this week but it’s not a comic. It’s just a review of what happend in Civil War and what will come next. And by the looks of things, I’m going to have a very hard time in cutting down my comics consumption. Woe is my wallet.
Here are the rest of the posts in this series:
- Weekly Haul #1: X-Week
- Weekly Haul #2: After the War
- Weekly Haul #3: NYCC ’07
- Weekly Haul #4: Tabula Rasa
- Weekly Haul #5: R.I.P. Cap
- Weekly Haul #7: Movements
- Weekly Haul #8: Roasted
- Weekly Haul #9: War Is for Heroes
- Weekly Haul #10: Giant-Sized
- Weekly Haul #11: My Name Is Drinky
- Weekly Haul #12: Dirty Dozen