Monster Tribute Week: Zombies
It’s that time of the year again. People dress up like spooks, ghouls and dead celebrities. They get drunk and act like fools. It’s Halloween, y’all! This year, I think it’s time that we pay tribute to the monsters that inspire those of us who aren’t creative enough to come up with unique costumes.
We all know that theses days, the best way to know if someone is special is when fat socially inept bloggers blog about them. So, as a responsible fat socially inept blogger, I’m going to dedicate this week to the monsters who have profoundly touched our lives and expertly haunted our dreams. Welcome to Monster Tribute Week! Let’s start with the lovable shambling undead: ZOMBIES!
A toast to the walking dead! Your taste for flesh illuminates my life. During cold and lonely nights, I turn to apocalyptic movies that feature your endless hunger for brains and your soothing groans.
Seeing your decaying bodies slowly moving across the screen, trying to devour scared and confused humans, is just something that makes me love the art of moving pictures.
I would not choose to join your ranks when the inevitable zombie apocalypse finally comes, but I promise to give you the proper respect that you deserve. By that I mean I’m going to run like hell.
To the zombie horde! Our future undead overlords!
Zombie Movie Ideas
It has been brought to my attention that there is a movie called Retardead and it’s about a bunch of special people who were turned into flesh-eating zombies.
It just blew my mind. It also made me realize that it’s easy to come up with a high concept when zombies are involved. Why, just this morning while I was driving to work, I came up with 6 one-paragraph movie pitches that I hope some dickhead in Hollywood would steal and develop into real movies:
I Will Claim Ownership of the Moon!
Dear Countries Who Ratified the Outer Space Treaty,
Greetings of love and peace! AND RAW EVIL! I am Baddie, and I am considering taking on a life of crime. I haven’t thought of a kick-ass super-villain name yet, but I’m getting there. Anyway, I just want to know how much trouble I’ll get myself into if I violate Article IV of the Outer Space Treaty that states…
States Parties to the Treaty undertake not to place in orbit around the Earth any objects carrying nuclear weapons or any other kinds of weapons of mass destruction, install such weapons on celestial bodies, or station such weapons in outer space in any other manner.
See, I have this diabolical plan to develop something called The Insanely Intense Death Ray of Pain that I shall install on the moon’s surface. I want to know how much resistance I can expect from you guys. Don’t get any ideas, though. You can only slow me down. Eventually, I will claim the moon as my own and on it, my Insanely Intense Death Ray of Pain will rise! YOU CAN’T STOP MY VILLAINY!
Sincerely,
Your Future Awesome Arch-Nemesis, Baddie
