Love Month is almost over and I just realized “How can I talk about Love without talking about the Internet?!” I mean, the Internet is not only the source of unlimited information and porn, but it’s also the wellspring of happiness, and that’s what we’re all looking for, right?
Every time I feel miserable, I look for friends who I can talk to. Seeing that I don’t have a lot of friends in real life, I usually just turn to the Internet for comfort and a few LOLs. These are the Internet’s greatest gifts to me:
PANDA WHO’S WILLING TO LET YOU TAKE ALL THE BAMBOO YOU WANT
Years ago, I was a huge fan of romance. I know. GAY. But it’s the truth. I used to daydream about my object of affection. I always kept my phone with me everywhere I go, hoping for a simple text message that will get me through the day. I wrote poetry, for chrissakes. I was a student of the Game of Love. But somehow along the way, I lost all the passion for romance. I stopped playing the Game. Until now.
It’s just recently that I started to feel that drive again. The will to, against all odds, live with romance in my soul and joy in my heart. I am enthralled once again by a girl who can effortlessly control my, for the lack of a better term, existence. I would like to tell you, my sweet little object of affection, what I really feel, but I’m still rebuilding my Romance Skillz. So, until I get my shit together, let me tell you what I want to say by way of song:
Well, it’s sort of what I want to say. You know what I’m saying. Anyway, hope to see you soon. XOXO
So I’m pretending to be all mysterious and silent and anti-social and shit, right? I was doing fine until I saw the trailer for The Machine Girl. As much as I want to stay quiet and act seriously serious, I can’t. I mean, Yakuza? Ninjas? Tempura? Chainsaws? Flying Guillotine? Drill Bra? Lots of blood? REVENGE?! It’s making my vagina wet, and I don’t even have a vagina! Consider yourself watched, Japanese Movie Made of WIN!
So I just tendered my resignation the other day and I have more or less 4 weeks left in my current job. Those remaining weeks will be spent in tying up loose ends, which basically means I’ll just have to oversee the completion of my unfinished tasks and slowly break the news that I’m leaving to Smoking Area Smokin’ Hot Chick. She’ll be devastated. Who will she exchange intense looks of lust (or disgust) with now? You have to be strong, Smoking Area Smokin’ Hot Chick. You have to be strong.
In light of these recent events that render me invulnerable to new projects, I now have a lot of free time to do stuff like spring cleaning the hell out of my office Mac. I don’t look for job openings while at work, though. I don’t want to use the company’s resources for my job search. It’s just not right. I dick around the Internets instead. And this dicking around led me to the greatest 5-second video in history: DRAMATIC CHIPMUNK (that is actually a prairie dog)!!!
