Must be 18-30 years old and female. Preferably single. And hot.

Must be willing to be called “Sweetheart” while sharing a story book romance with a dick like me.

I want your love and I want your revenge. You and me could write a Baddie romance.

Must be aware that “shits” and “stuffs” are not the plural forms of “shit” and “stuff”, respectively.

Must be able to look past my unpleasant exterior, as well as my pungent aroma.

Must understand and accept the fact that I am not a dog person. I like cats, though. Because they’re hilarious.

Must be comfortable with awkward silences because, believe me, there will be a lot of that. I am the master of awkward silences. THE MASTER!

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It’s normal during this time of year to look for love anywhere we think we can find it. Whether it’s the usual places where tired hearts thread or the strangest places where the quirkiest minds convene. In my case, it’s both.

I went to the last couple of nights of the UPLB Feb Fair and I looked for love. Like always, I found it all around me.

I looked upon lovers and the glimmer in their eyes as they celebrated Valentine’s Day in each other’s arms. The most common way to find love.

I looked upon old friends. I realized that I still have a lot of those. I met new friends too. Someday I hope to look upon them with as much glee as I have upon seeing my old ones. I may have met future lovers as well, but it’s too early to tell. How exciting.

I looked upon the old places I used to frequent. Campus buildings, restaurants, bars, apartments, parking lots, roads, patches of grass, and dark corners. All reminded me of how I loved staying in the university and how I love coming back to visit.

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It’s the big V-Day, the end of our Valentine’s Week. I decided to do another double take, and this time, it’s an evil double take.

And here’s the variant, something a little less retarded than the other BaddiE-CARDS I published this week:

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This is was originally posted in The Man Blog. The post was based on my Baddie Loves You mini-series, which I originally pos… ah fuck it. Just read the damn entry.

So, it’s Valentine’s Week. As a responsible blogger and all around nice guy, I’m taking it upon myself to represent the rest of the closet hopeless romantic TMB editors in sharing the love with all you blog-reading people. I shall do this through the magic of poetry. This gift of love comes in the form of greeting card-ish poems that you manly men out there can share with your loved ones. Please do. You’ll thank us later. And as for you ladies, consider this collection of poems our Valentine’s love letter to you. We’re not just horny fat guys here. We have feelings too. Feelings… for you. This is not just about public service, people! This is all about love. Because goddammit, Baddie and TMB love you.

If you want to let your beloved know that all the shenanigans you’re pulling every now and then, including the time when you threw her cat through a window in hopes of capturing a LOLcat moment with your camera, are just weird ways of showing your love, this first poem is for you:

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I just want to say to all of you sweet couples walking around holding hands, looking at each other with intense passion as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist, I hate you. You guys suck! Also, Happy Valentine’s Day!

*** You probably know by now that Baddie loves you. Now check out Face Rockery to see what Batman thinks of you.