In the past few weeks, I have been on the hunt for a new job. It was an enlightening experience, really. I got to use a lot of the stuff I’ve been writing about in Bum No More. I got the chance to look back into my professional career (all two years of it!) and build a fairly attractive resume with surprisingly little padding. I also realized that I have several sets of skills that I can use to market myself, much like a young hooker after her first night of debauchery.
The skill I really want to develop right now is creative/content writing. It’s my passion ever since I discovered I suck at music and art. Writing is where I least suck, so what I really want to improve on is being a wordsmith. Drastically.
Potential Employer #1: Please write something about Makati.
This is was originally posted in The Man Blog. The post was based on my Baddie Loves You mini-series, which I originally pos… ah fuck it. Just read the damn entry.
So, it’s Valentine’s Week. As a responsible blogger and all around nice guy, I’m taking it upon myself to represent the rest of the closet hopeless romantic TMB editors in sharing the love with all you blog-reading people. I shall do this through the magic of poetry. This gift of love comes in the form of greeting card-ish poems that you manly men out there can share with your loved ones. Please do. You’ll thank us later. And as for you ladies, consider this collection of poems our Valentine’s love letter to you. We’re not just horny fat guys here. We have feelings too. Feelings… for you. This is not just about public service, people! This is all about love. Because goddammit, Baddie and TMB love you.
If you want to let your beloved know that all the shenanigans you’re pulling every now and then, including the time when you threw her cat through a window in hopes of capturing a LOLcat moment with your camera, are just weird ways of showing your love, this first poem is for you:
Today marks a new low for Baddie. I’ve decided to tell you who I have the hots for in the wonderful world of animation. Yeah, I know this is going to be uncomfortable and we’ll probably share a lot of awkward moments when we meet in person, but goddammit I have to let you know! It’s just the right thing to do! Ladies and gents, the Cartoons I’d Like to Fuck:
I would rather fail spectacularly than succeed minimally. – Alexander Luthor
Ten lost souls wandered aimlessly across the desolate soil of the blue and green ball floating in space called Earth. Each searching for the most awesome of life’s goals: EPIC WIN. They want to win in life. They want to conquer it. They want to rule their own lives with iron hands and golden dicks. But alas, these poor fellows only ended up with EPIC FAIL:
Accomplished Perfect Pedophile – He wanted to own all the young boys in his village to be his playmates, but all he got were the girls. He didn’t really have a problem with girls, but still. FAIL.
August General in Walrus Hide – He wanted to save the souls of those around him, deliver them from evil and shit, but he corrupted them instead. FAIL.
Celestial Wanker – He wanted to invent a machine that can solve all the problems inflicting his native land, but he just ended up inventing a square wheel. FAIL.
In the past few weeks, I have been on the hunt for a new job. It was an enlightening experience, really. I got to use a lot of the stuff I’ve been writing about in Bum No More. I got the chance to look back into my professional career (all two years of it!) and build a fairly attractive resume with surprisingly little padding. I also realized that I have several sets of skills that I can use to market myself, much like a young hooker after her first night of debauchery.
Accomplished Perfect Pedophile
August General in Walrus Hide
Celestial Wanker – He wanted to invent a machine that can solve all the problems inflicting his native land, but he just ended up inventing a square wheel. FAIL.
