I don’t know why but I decided to watch 2 movies about ordinary people dressing up as superheroes to fight crime and help people, but I did. Here’s what I think of Super and Superheroes.

Super

Believe it or not, Rainn Wilson does a really good job at playing a sad and disturbed dude — who is also a total whack job. I mean, before your brain even decides on how hard you’ll laugh, you’re already thinking that this dude is nuts. Not funny nuts, but he’s-going-to-murder-me-when-I’m-in-the-shower-I-just-know-it nuts. Ellen Page turns up the crazy too by channeling the Joker and Stephanie Brown Robin at the same time. WITH X-23′S CLAWS. It’s violent and disturbing and it makes you doubt your own psychology because you constantly evaluate your reaction to various scenes of madness and sadness.

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Pick-up lines, even the funniest and most charming ones, never worked for me. Must be my creepy aura. Anyhoo, I’m wondering what pick-up lines superheroes are using to get some. Here’s what my perfectly normal and totally not perverse mind came up with:

Mr. Fantastic, Stretchy Leader of the Fantastic Four

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What’s that noise?

Is that the sound of a sharks firing lasers from their eyes, illuminating the dark depths of the ocean, melting away the slimy tentacles of a giant squid while pink dolphins aimlessly scramble for safety?

Is that the sound of ninjas fighting superhero samurais with throwing stars, shiny swords, three-pronged spears, thorn-ladden whips, battle axes and sharp minds while the city burns down around them?

Is that the sound of cowboys trying to wrangle unicorns and ponies with wings on a field of carnivorous trees, wind-riding elephants, and naked elves while the sky rains fire?

Is that the sound of robots and cyborgs crying, weeping and sobbing as they watch angels  riding dragons descending from the clouds shaped like tanks and fighter jets?

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We were all taught that the first group of superheroes to emerge from the Marvel Universe was the Fantastic Four. We were taught wrong. Before the Avengers, the X-Men and the Fantastic Four, there was a group of superheroes from the 1950′s who secretly banded together to answer their nation’s call for assistance in relation to the kidnapping of the then US president Eisenhower. A gorilla, an alien, a secret agent, a mermaid, a robot, and a goddess. The Agents of Atlas.

I picked up the first issue of this mini-series, written by Jeff Parker and drawn by Leonard Kirk, out of curiosity. I seldom venture into picking up books featuring characters I’m not familiar with. These characters are from the 1950′s Marvel comics. I was definitely not familiar with them before the news of this mini-series’ launch hit. I was so freakin’ glad I felt experimental that day. The mini-series is magic.

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