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“Scorched earth”. Destroying anything that might be useful to the enemy. The elimination of the enemy’s resources and possibly even one’s own. In my case, it’s the latter.

The enemy is Depression. I usually fall into a deep, dark, and lonely hole at least once a year. Usually weeks before my birthday, and I don’t know why. This year, it came several weeks late.

After recent bouts with feelings of abandonment, betrayal, alienation, neglect, loneliness, and “My life has no direction and I’m thirsty for beer!”, Depression finally kicked in. And I believe seeing Click on HBO may have been the catalyst for the other shoe to drop.

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Like I said in my birthday post, I felt my 26th birthday will be a whole lot better than my 25th because first, there’s no stupid big-ass typhoon kicking our country’s ass. And second, I planned on ending my 3 1/2 months of sobriety. I managed to do that but not in the way I expected. But nevertheless, it was ended and I’m a ridiculously happy camper. YAY!

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I guess we can all agree that this song is far from being brilliant, but hey, it does echo my sentiments when I was still in the call center industry. I don’t know about other call center agents (representatives, specialists, whatever), but I saw a call center job as a temporary thing. An oasis in the job hunting desert of the Philippines. An oasis I gladly left approximately one year ago.

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Sometimes, I want to do nothing. Even when I’m doing something, I want to be suspended in that moment. Frozen in time. Trapped in an infinite loop of safety and comfort.

Sometimes I just want to lay in bed and close my eyes. Think of nothing. Ignore the noise. Welcome the random colors and flashes within the darkness. Oblivion.

Sometimes I just want to drive in an infinite loop on the highway to nowhere. And when I’m ready, I’d turn right to the road to somewhere. Moving endlessly. Shooting through faceless streets and empty moving cars.

I just want to drown in nothing.

Sometimes, I want to do everything. Even when I’m doing nothing, I want to be everywhere at once. Talking to strangers. Rediscovering friends. Engulfed in the chaos of the unknown.

Sometimes I just want go somewhere new. Somewhere strange. Somewhere frightening. A journey around the world then towards the nearest wormhole. A journey inside myself.

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Ahh. Do you smell that? The smell of change. Of development. Of movement. And it’s all around me. And I love it with all my constantly-in-flux heart.

Several of my brethren in UPLB MASS are graduating in a few weeks’ time. A cause for celebration and intoxication, which will start next week when we’ll invade Ilocos for a good ol’ fashioned summer out-of-town beachfest. Road Trip!

Another cause for celebration is the end of my probationary period in my current job. Yes, ladies and gentlefreaks, I am now regularized. And with this change in my employment status comes a few more changes in responsibilities and nature of tasks. I can’t wait.

Finally, the recent transformation of my social life from “totally non-existent” to “Holy shit, what day is it?! I’m drunk again! Yeah!” is requiring me to cut back on my comic book consumption and focus more on accumulating loads of cash for my beer fund. Priorities, priorities.

It’s just so refreshing to see things moving again.

And with that sentimental crap over, I now present to you this week’s haul. SPOILERS blah blah.

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