Monster Tribute Week: The Munsters
To end Monster Tribute Week, I shall tap into my childhood TV viewing habits.
A toast to Herman, Lily, Eddie, Marilyn and Grandpa! Before the Simpsons, you were my favorite TV family. Actually, I like you more than those eccentric goths, the Addams.
You showed me that even the strangest (and maybe even the supernatural-est) families can live normal lives.
You gave me the dream of someday owning a pet fire-breathing dragon. Also, a best friend who is a skeleton from the middle ages. Also, a lab assistant who is a Transylvanian bat named Igor. Also, an uncle who is a rich werewolf.
To the most awesome family next to the Simpsons! I owe my strange taste in entertainment to you!
And that’s the end of Monster Tribute Week! I hope the next time you see an idiot dressed as Hobo Dracula from the Future, you’d spend a moment in silence as a sign of respect for monsters. It is their inspirational aura that produced that idiot.
Monster Tribute Week: Vampires
We can’t have a Halloween theme week here on Baddieverse without vampires, can we? No. No, we can’t. I promise I won’t make “Vampires suck!” jokes. Also, Twilight references.
A toast to the fanged ones! You have taught me a lot in this life, including lessons on being a gentleman (so the ladies can be more open to the idea of me sucking the life out of them) and counting. Thank you, Sesame Street’s The Count!
I spent years believing that I was one of you due to the fact that I hated the sun, I was more comfortable being awake at night and I was convinced that I can control people’s minds by talking slowly and squinting. Those years are behind me now, but I would very much like to live like that again. Those were awesome years.
Your ability to turn into mist is something that I terribly desire. I mean, come on.
To the legendary bloodsuckers! I shall suck the blood of hot virgins in your honor!
Monster Tribute Week: Dead Japanese Freaks
It’s the “hump day” edition of Monster Tribute Week. Speaking of “hump”, the first thing that comes to mind whenever I hear that word is “Japan”. Or to be more accurate, “Japorno”. Moving on…
A toast to Japanese horror spooks! You are responsible for the terror in my heart that keeps me alert at all times, especially during my shower time. You have made me aware of my surroundings, not to mention jumpy when it’s dark and quiet.
I have never really seen how scary you are because I close my eyes during the scary scenes in horror movies, but still, I have a wild imagination. That’s one more thing I owe you. You keep my imagination active. You remind me of beer that way, and I love beer.
I don’t remember most of the Japanese horror flicks I have seen, but I know deep in my heart that I enjoyed the dark atmosphere and the creepy awkward silences. You are the perfect company during rainy nights.
To the mind-fuckery that Japanese horror flicks bring! A great reason to love Japan, much like giant robots and tentacle porn!
Monster Tribute Week: Werewolves
It’s a scientific fact that werewolves are awesome, so for the 2nd day of Monster Tribute Week, I’m paying tribute to these marvelous beacons of righteousness.
A toast to lycanthropes! You being hairy and awesome at the same time is an inspiration to those of us who are hairy and yearning to be awesome someday. Ever since my body started to change during puberty, you became my source of hope for awesomeness.
Able to transform from human to wolf, you are also symbols of change. You empower me with the reality that I am not a robot! I am not a two-dimensional cartoon character! I am real!
The fact that silver bullets can hurt you shows me that I can relate to you. You have wants, needs and weaknesses too. You bleed. You’re just like us normal humans. Except you can probably tear apart bears in seconds.
To the lycan legion! I howl at the moon in your honor!
Monster Tribute Week: Zombies
It’s that time of the year again. People dress up like spooks, ghouls and dead celebrities. They get drunk and act like fools. It’s Halloween, y’all! This year, I think it’s time that we pay tribute to the monsters that inspire those of us who aren’t creative enough to come up with unique costumes.
We all know that theses days, the best way to know if someone is special is when fat socially inept bloggers blog about them. So, as a responsible fat socially inept blogger, I’m going to dedicate this week to the monsters who have profoundly touched our lives and expertly haunted our dreams. Welcome to Monster Tribute Week! Let’s start with the lovable shambling undead: ZOMBIES!
A toast to the walking dead! Your taste for flesh illuminates my life. During cold and lonely nights, I turn to apocalyptic movies that feature your endless hunger for brains and your soothing groans.
Seeing your decaying bodies slowly moving across the screen, trying to devour scared and confused humans, is just something that makes me love the art of moving pictures.
I would not choose to join your ranks when the inevitable zombie apocalypse finally comes, but I promise to give you the proper respect that you deserve. By that I mean I’m going to run like hell.
To the zombie horde! Our future undead overlords!
