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To end Mean Girls Week, I think it’s appropriate if I share a mean girl story. A story plucked from my own retarded high school past. It’s not a story about skanky bitches calling everybody “sluts” and “whores”. It’s about high school drama, angst, and awkward silences. It’s about me being in jail with a girl named Vanessa.

I went to a Catholic school in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. Canossa School to be exact. A place were dreams are born and hearts are broken. A breeding ground for leaders, jocks, losers, artists, mean girls, and background dancers for noontime TV shows.

Well hello there, Sexbomb Izzy. How YOU doin’?

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You may think only teen girls can be mean girls, but you’re wrong. There are different kinds of mean girls. There are ultra hot mean girls, fat whore mean girls, boy mean girls, gay mean girls, old mean girls, Eastern European dictator mean girls, ancient Egyptian demon reborn in the modern day world as a dentist mean girls, etc. Anybody can be a mean girl. You can be a mean girl. Not sure if you are? Want to find out? Yes? Well, luckily for you, it’s Mean Girls Week. It’s the perfect time to discover if you’re a skanky whore bitch mean girl inside. Just take the following quiz to find out! Grool? Grool.

1. A friend of yours introduces you to someone from another country. A weird country. Like Africa or Japan or something. You…

1. invite him/her to join you for a cup of coffee, hoping to find out more about his/her culture and whatnot
2. exchange pleasantries and move on with your crazy hectic life
3. freeze and panic because you think all people from foreign lands carry diseases that can wipe out everyone on your side of the equator
4. tell the summbitch to eat your shoe and fuck off before you punch him/her in the throat

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Gretchen: That is so fetch!
Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not going to happen!

Gretchen, Regina’s right hand bitch, tried to make “So fetch!” happen. She really did. But alas, it did not. Queen bee Regina’s antagonism didn’t help. But what if it did happen? This being Mean Girls Week, I feel that it’s my duty as a responsible blogger to ask and explore the question “What if So fetch! happened?”

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WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME! I mean Girl World. Welcome to Girl World. Through the magic of the movie Mean Girls, I have been blessed with a chance to explore the intriguing plane of existence where everything is pink and valley girl-ish. I have seen things that will haunt me for as long as I live. I have witnessed drama that is both disturbing and fascinating. Since this is Mean Girls Week, I have decided to guide you through this world perilous! Take my hand, weary traveler. We’re going in.

In Girl World, it’s totally normal for totally hot teachers to remove their clothes in front of all their students just for kicks, which is totally cool.

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To open this totally fabulous Mean Girls Week, I think it’s just appropriate that we start with a review of the Mean Girls DVD. Yes, I got weird looks when I bought it. No, I’m not gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I’m just an admirer of this often misjudged modern classic based on a self-help book for parents with no narrative whatsoever. Also, I have a thing for hot girls in pink.

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