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And you thought your Internets was safe. Feh. Next week, the undead will take over this blog as I, Baddie, Emperor of Ghouls, will review 3 DVDs featuring ZOMBIES! In the tradition of DVD Week, Baddie Loves You Week, and Mean Girls Week, I shall give you Zombie DVD Week!

On October 27th, 29th, and 31st, the dead will rise and Baddieverse will be overrun! Hide your brains, prepare your anti-zombie kit, and get ready to aim for the head! Next week, zombies will eat your Internets!

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Ahh, yes. April Fools’ Day. A day of hoaxes and practical jokes unleashed upon the weak-minded and the gullible. A time for merriment and dickeries. But can we learn anything from all this mischief? I believe we can because I did.

Before I share the lessons I’ve learned on April Fools’ Day, let me tell you about the pranks I pulled for this most glorious of days:

Prologue: BADDIE JOKES PRACTICALLY!

Pre-2003, I was constantly playing practical jokes on my friends and family. From farting in front of my sister’s face, to tripping a friend who was running really, really, really fast, I’ve done it all. But nothing a few words of apology can’t fix. Then I sort of grew up. Sure, there’s the occasional Dumping a Pail of Water on Someone Just for Kicks gag, but I got over my Extremely Annoying Prankster phase early in college. But I just couldn’t resist. I decided to take it up a notch. I was ready for some mind games!

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Scientists say that 7% of the Internets is all about asshattery and dickery, while 3% is serious business. The remaining 90% is porn. I can attest to the porn number, and this blog more or less falls under the Asshattery & Dickery category. For the serious business side of the Internets, though, I have the perfect examples. I know this for I have firsthand accounts. Yes, ladies and gentlecreeps, all this bogus statistics bull is just an introduction to my pimping of the following:

Bum No More is a blog about tips and guides on employment, lifestyle, and other things that might interest new college graduates and young upwardly mobile professionals. It’s only been online for less than two months, but it already has a wealth of wisdom ready to be devoured by hungry young job seekers and corporate n00bs. Aside from this, job seekers can also subscribe to the Bum No More Weekly Newsletter that features entry level job openings every week.

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When a man has too much time in his hands, he’s open to the idea of doing some of the most stupid things ever conceivable like, say, creating a Friendster account for his RAV 4. Yep. In April 2004, I had too much time in my hands and I created a Friendster account for Fucker, my black RAV 4. For 3 years, I added a select few of my friends to Fucker’s friends list. Some of them even took the initiative to add Fucker, and it’s all okay. They’re real friends, after all. But since a couple of weeks ago, Fucker started to get “friend requests” from, how should I describe them, unmistakable shoe-ins for Mike Villar’s Atrocities of Friendster? Yeah, that sounds about right. But I may be too harsh on these poor souls so I’ll ask you guys for guidance.

Exhibit A: Glendylle

Her profile says she’s 18, but I call shenanigans! She’s the one giving you the finger. I think. But just in case, mind your fucking manners, little missy!

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So I was just minding my own business stalking hot chicks on Friendster, right? After viewing hot bikini photos and taking mental pictures (to be “mentally Photoshopped” later), I checked out the bulletin board to see if I can find incriminating and juicy facts about my friends who answer stupid “surveys”. My mind wasn’t ready for what was about to be revealed to me: THE AWESOMEST TRUTH IN THE HISTORY OF ALL AWESOME TRUTHS!

Behold! The truth about Warcraft III: Defense of the Ancients (no modifications made to protect the integrity *LOL* of the text):

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