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Greetings, peons! It is I, Dr. Victor Von Doom, welcoming you again to this magnificent series where Doom lectures you simpletons on different comic book characters as only Doom can. Let it be known that all you shall read in this “blog post” is the truth, because although Doom is capable of anything, Doom does not lie!

For this second installment of “Know Your Comic Book Characters with Dr. Doom”, Doom shall introduce you to one of Galactus‘ heralds, the “Sentinel of the Spaceways”, the noble and shiny Silver Surfer!

As a young astronomer in the peaceful planet Zenn-La, Norrin Radd dreamed of adventure and exploration. The young fool got his wish when Galactus, the “Devourer of Worlds”, threatened to turn Zenn-La into a cosmic sandwich. Radd bargained for the safety of his planet and his lover, Shalla-Bal, in return for his service as Galactus’ herald. Thus was born the Silver Surfer! Doom would have found a better way to stop Galactus’ threat if Doom were Radd. Bargaining is for lesser men, never for Doom!

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One year. 52 issues. 52 weeks. And it all comes to a head with the psychedelic return of DC’s Multiverse. I don’t know what to say.

DC’s weekly series, 52, finally ends this week. I can’t believe I stayed on for all 52 issues. There were some totally awesome issues and scenes, but there were also some sucky episodes and WTF moments. All in all, it was a fun ride. But I won’t go through another weekly series again. Yeah, I’m skipping Countdown. Why? I need more money for beer and videoke battles. And probably for my future kids’ college fund.

With that totally wussy statement, I end my weekly love affair with the whole DC universe. And since I missed two (count ‘em, two!) Weekly Haul posts, this is going to be a long one. Three weeks worth of comics, coming up! With SPOILERS on top!

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I usually base my judgement in what comics to buy on writers, then artists, then hype, then characters. So by giving you my top 5 list of comic book characters, I’m not saying that I’m reading their solo monthly books. Well, for some of them, yes. I just find these characters appealing and kick-ass.

#5: Iron Man - Yeah, he’s got a movie coming out soon, but that’s not the reason why I like him. Never been a fan of Tony Stark in my 10-year comic book reading career. Well, that is until Civil War. Most fans think that during Civil War, Tony Stark became the ultimate Marvel douchebag. He did some things that, for people who aren’t really familiar with his character, are downright villainous. And that, ladies and gentlefreaks, is why I’m now an Iron Man fan. He’s a hero who will do what he thinks is right for the greater good, no matter how evil it may look for others.

#4: Fantastic Four - OK I’m counting them as one. Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing. Stan Lee’s harbingers of the modern super-hero comics age. Marvel’s “First Family”. Starring in “The World’s Greatest Comic Magazine!” Constant thorn on Dr. Doom’s side. I occasionally read FF issues before and I wasn’t really hooked. Until recently, that is. They’re just fun to read. I even watch their new “kiddie” animated series on YouTube. Good times.

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In honor of the Fantastic Four’s 45th anniversary (which was, like, two weeks ago I think), I’m dedicating this first edition of my new stupid series, Coverage, to them. This is where I’ll deface comic book covers for fun. Yeah, I don’t have a life so don’t be mean. You can laugh at me when I’m not looking. Anyhoo, here are four classic Fantastic Four covers, the first casualties of this dumb Coverage series. Enjoy.

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The 7-issue mini-series isn’t the most interesting thing about Marvel’s Civil War event. I think what happens after Civil War will be more entertaining and interesting than the event itself. The whole Marvel landscape will be radically changed, and the status quo will be a world of uncertainty, just the way I like it.

With Marvel’s May solicitations, I find myself impatiently craving for the arrival of the post-war stories. Heroes will mourn one of their own after the events of next week’s Civil War finale. New heroes will enter the neverending battle through the 50-state Initiative. A new Fantastic Four will come in the form of the Thing, the Human Torch, Storm, and the Black Panther. The Hulk will finally be on his journey towards home, presumably to kick everyone’s ass. Two Avengers teams kick it to high gear. Nova, after the events of Annihilation, will come back home to a completely changed world. Plus a whole lot more. And that’s just for May. It’s going to be a good time to be a Marvel fan after Civil War.

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