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So I was watching the 2-hour finale of Lost’s 4th season over the weekend, right? I don’t want to spoil anything, but watching it made me realize that there’s one thing missing in my life right now, and that’s an island that can defy the Laws of Physics!

I want one. I need one. And not just the island. I want to have everything in it. Lush green jungles, beautiful landscapes, time machines, black smoke monsters, polar bears, and Evangeline Lilly. I have got to get me a Lost island ASAP. But how? The money I’m making right now will probably only get me three cans of Dharma Initiative organic diced tomatoes.

I need some sort of financial help. Maybe a cash advance loan or something. That and selling my body to the highest bidder might do the trick. Yeah, that’s it. I am so bright.