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Yes, after several years of failed attempts at controlling fire, I’ve finally done it! I always knew I was special. Mutant special. And now that I’ve discovered my previously latent mutant pyrokinetic ability, I’m wondering if I have other superhuman powers. I’m determined to find out, and I believe I can discover the truth with the help of my trusty old friend, SCIENCE!

You should know that there’s no one better in utilizing SCIENCE! than me. I’m a frickin’ scientist! I mean, I graduated with a Bachelor of SCIENCE! degree in Computer SCIENCE! I have a piece of paper to prove it! And seriously, you just can’t argue with a piece of paper. Sure, it took me 7 years to finish the damn course, but still.

So, without further ado, here’s my short quest in finding out if I have other awesome abilities… using SCIENCE!

» Read more after the jump →

I would rather fail spectacularly than succeed minimally. - Alexander Luthor

Ten lost souls wandered aimlessly across the desolate soil of the blue and green ball floating in space called Earth. Each searching for the most awesome of life’s goals: EPIC WIN. They want to win in life. They want to conquer it. They want to rule their own lives with iron hands and golden dicks. But alas, these poor fellows only ended up with EPIC FAIL:

Accomplished Perfect Pedophile - He wanted to own all the young boys in his village to be his playmates, but all he got were the girls. He didn’t really have a problem with girls, but still. FAIL.

August General in Walrus Hide - He wanted to save the souls of those around him, deliver them from evil and shit, but he corrupted them instead. FAIL.

Celestial Wanker - He wanted to invent a machine that can solve all the problems inflicting his native land, but he just ended up inventing a square wheel. FAIL.

» Read more after the jump →