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I’ve been swimming regularly in our pool for about half a year now and I’m getting a lot of benefits from it. First, it’s an awesome way to beat the heat. It’s also a nice way to work out, especially since I’m fat and too lazy to go to the gym or run or bike or do sit-ups. Helps my lung strength too (I really should stop smoking). The best benefit I get from swimming in our pool is I get to be alone. I get the chance to meditate about my life. You know, important stuff. And now, I’d like to share these things to you in a piece I’d like to call…

First of which is “FUNNY CATS”

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It’s obvious that the Universe has been constantly trying to screw me over since the day I was born, as evidenced by my chinky eyes that aren’t really chinky but still looks kinda chinky. I’ve always taken crap from the Universe and all its cosmic conspiracies against me. But I say it’s time to fight back! And last night, when one of its minions tried to ambush me with his sideswiping powers, I showed it that I mean frickin’ business!

I was driving home from work, picking my nose like nobody’s business, right? I saw this chick outside a cab (I dunno whether she was coming in or out of the cab, but she’s hot) in front of the Valle Verde Country Club in Pasig. I slowed down as a courtesy to the lovely lady because, as we all know, speeding in front of respectable hot chicks is simply rude. So anyway, yeah. I slowed down. And then this asshole cut me off, and HE ACTUALLY HIT ME! Here’s a 2D re-enactment of the appalling incident:

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I would rather fail spectacularly than succeed minimally. - Alexander Luthor

Ten lost souls wandered aimlessly across the desolate soil of the blue and green ball floating in space called Earth. Each searching for the most awesome of life’s goals: EPIC WIN. They want to win in life. They want to conquer it. They want to rule their own lives with iron hands and golden dicks. But alas, these poor fellows only ended up with EPIC FAIL:

Accomplished Perfect Pedophile - He wanted to own all the young boys in his village to be his playmates, but all he got were the girls. He didn’t really have a problem with girls, but still. FAIL.

August General in Walrus Hide - He wanted to save the souls of those around him, deliver them from evil and shit, but he corrupted them instead. FAIL.

Celestial Wanker - He wanted to invent a machine that can solve all the problems inflicting his native land, but he just ended up inventing a square wheel. FAIL.

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