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This is was originally posted in The Man Blog. The post was based on my Baddie Loves You mini-series, which I originally pos… ah fuck it. Just read the damn entry.

So, it’s Valentine’s Week. As a responsible blogger and all around nice guy, I’m taking it upon myself to represent the rest of the closet hopeless romantic TMB editors in sharing the love with all you blog-reading people. I shall do this through the magic of poetry. This gift of love comes in the form of greeting card-ish poems that you manly men out there can share with your loved ones. Please do. You’ll thank us later. And as for you ladies, consider this collection of poems our Valentine’s love letter to you. We’re not just horny fat guys here. We have feelings too. Feelings… for you. This is not just about public service, people! This is all about love. Because goddammit, Baddie and TMB love you.

If you want to let your beloved know that all the shenanigans you’re pulling every now and then, including the time when you threw her cat through a window in hopes of capturing a LOLcat moment with your camera, are just weird ways of showing your love, this first poem is for you:

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Although I hate Bryan Singer (don’t ask), I love documentaries. Especially if it’s about comics. I thought long and hard about getting this documentary about Superman, and I finally gave in. I mean, come on. It’s Superman.

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I’m a simple guy with simple wants, but that doesn’t apply when it comes to my taste in women. See, when I’m asked about what I look for in the opposite sex, off the top of my head, I always say “She has to be smart, funny, and hot.” These characteristics seem common enough, right? Wrong. Finding all 3 characteristics in one female package is like winning the lottery. But every once in a while, you hit the jackpot.

Ladies and gentlefreaks, meet Laura Hudson, a freelance writer from New York, NY. Ain’t she cute? I’m a sucker for cute chicks wearing glasses and I’ve always had a thing for cute glasses-wearing writers. There’s something about a girl who can weave her intricate train of thought into a beautiful conglomerate of words. On top of being a smart, funny, and hot wordsmith, she’s also into comics. Comics! And I think “into comics” is an understatement. The girl loves comics. Behold, the evidence! Laura Hudson’s 24-Hour Review-a-Thon!

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I purposely missed this movie when it opened in theaters. “Why?”, you ask. Well, there are several reasons. One, it’s directed by Mark Steven Johnson, the dude who gave us “Daredevil”. Yes, the Ben Affleck flick with an annoying Bullseye and a black Kingpin. Should I go on? Because I think that’s enough for you to understand where I’m going here. OK I’ll give you another: it’s too glossy. When I heard about the plans for a Ghost Rider movie, I hoped that it would be dark and gritty and R-18. The minute I found out that Johnson would be writing and directing it, I decided to pass on the theater release and just wait for the DVD, because I’m not watching this movie without watching some extras. And here we are.

The Story: I didn’t expect much in terms of the plot, but some of the lines dangerously come close to “Batman & Robin” sucktitude. I mean, come on! With great and “just OK” actors, they could have at least come up with more interesting dialogue and not just eye-roll-inducing puns. The only thing that attracted me was the mythology of the Ghost Rider and the concept of him being the Devil’s bounty hunter. The story within the story. After all, I am a comic book geek so I enjoy that kind of stuff. Other than that, it’s a formulaic Hollywood tale of redemption with bad puns and cookie cutter supporting characters.

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Greetings, peons! It is I, Dr. Victor Von Doom, welcoming you again to this magnificent series where Doom lectures you simpletons on different comic book characters as only Doom can. Let it be known that all you shall read in this “blog post” is the truth, because although Doom is capable of anything, Doom does not lie!

For this second installment of “Know Your Comic Book Characters with Dr. Doom”, Doom shall introduce you to one of Galactus‘ heralds, the “Sentinel of the Spaceways”, the noble and shiny Silver Surfer!

As a young astronomer in the peaceful planet Zenn-La, Norrin Radd dreamed of adventure and exploration. The young fool got his wish when Galactus, the “Devourer of Worlds”, threatened to turn Zenn-La into a cosmic sandwich. Radd bargained for the safety of his planet and his lover, Shalla-Bal, in return for his service as Galactus’ herald. Thus was born the Silver Surfer! Doom would have found a better way to stop Galactus’ threat if Doom were Radd. Bargaining is for lesser men, never for Doom!

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