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Greetings, peons! It is I, Dr. Victor Von Doom, welcoming you again to this magnificent series where Doom lectures you simpletons on different comic book characters as only Doom can. Let it be known that all you shall read in this “blog post” is the truth, because although Doom is capable of anything, Doom does not lie!

For this second installment of “Know Your Comic Book Characters with Dr. Doom”, Doom shall introduce you to one of Galactus‘ heralds, the “Sentinel of the Spaceways”, the noble and shiny Silver Surfer!

As a young astronomer in the peaceful planet Zenn-La, Norrin Radd dreamed of adventure and exploration. The young fool got his wish when Galactus, the “Devourer of Worlds”, threatened to turn Zenn-La into a cosmic sandwich. Radd bargained for the safety of his planet and his lover, Shalla-Bal, in return for his service as Galactus’ herald. Thus was born the Silver Surfer! Doom would have found a better way to stop Galactus’ threat if Doom were Radd. Bargaining is for lesser men, never for Doom!

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Greetings, peons! I, Victor Von Doom, welcome you to this first installment of this grand series Doom would like to call “Know Your Comic Book Characters with Dr. Doom”. Although Doom finds this thing you call “blogging” pitiful, Doom sees that it is essential for you lowlifes to be acquainted with your comic book characters. Why? Because Doom decrees it to be essential, that’s why! For this inaugural edition of this wondrous series, Doom shall talk about that pesky wall-crawler, the so-called “amazing” Spider-Man.

His real name is Peter Benjamin Parker. He was raised by his uncle, Benjamin Parker, and his aunt, May Reilly-Parker. Doom could talk about young Parker’s scientific genius and brilliance, but Doom finds it boring. Yes, only Doom was a non-boring smart young person and no one else! Especially that accursed Reed Richards! Doom hates him. Doom hates all!

The only thing that interests Doom about Parker’s early years is the fact that he was often bullied, to which Doom nods in agreement. All nerds should be bullied, especially if your name is “Reed Richards”! So says Doom! In addition to this entertaining fact, Parker’s scientific curiosity led him to an accident involving radioactive isotopes and a spider. He was bitten by this radiation-bathed spider, and thus was born Spider-Man. Doom laughs at this folly! Doom laughs out loud!

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I usually base my judgement in what comics to buy on writers, then artists, then hype, then characters. So by giving you my top 5 list of comic book characters, I’m not saying that I’m reading their solo monthly books. Well, for some of them, yes. I just find these characters appealing and kick-ass.

#5: Iron Man - Yeah, he’s got a movie coming out soon, but that’s not the reason why I like him. Never been a fan of Tony Stark in my 10-year comic book reading career. Well, that is until Civil War. Most fans think that during Civil War, Tony Stark became the ultimate Marvel douchebag. He did some things that, for people who aren’t really familiar with his character, are downright villainous. And that, ladies and gentlefreaks, is why I’m now an Iron Man fan. He’s a hero who will do what he thinks is right for the greater good, no matter how evil it may look for others.

#4: Fantastic Four - OK I’m counting them as one. Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing. Stan Lee’s harbingers of the modern super-hero comics age. Marvel’s “First Family”. Starring in “The World’s Greatest Comic Magazine!” Constant thorn on Dr. Doom’s side. I occasionally read FF issues before and I wasn’t really hooked. Until recently, that is. They’re just fun to read. I even watch their new “kiddie” animated series on YouTube. Good times.

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