Greetings, future Cobra slaves!

I, Cobra Commander, demand that you cease killing this planet at once! Your collective inefficient and indulgent lifestyle is promoting climate change, slowly poisoning Earth. This will not stand! You need to start cleaning up your act. You can start at home or at your pathetic workplace. Ask your so-called “leaders” to take action. Do little things that will pay dividends in the future. Our future (as master and slaves). There are plenty of resources online that can give you ideas on how to live Green. Take a break from YouTube videos of dudes smashing their balls with baseball bats for a couple of hours and start researching on how you can help, you lazy assbags.

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Dear Countries Who Ratified the Outer Space Treaty,

Greetings of love and peace! AND RAW EVIL! I am Baddie, and I am considering taking on a life of crime. I haven’t thought of a kick-ass super-villain name yet, but I’m getting there. Anyway, I just want to know how much trouble I’ll get myself into if I violate Article IV of the Outer Space Treaty that states…

States Parties to the Treaty undertake not to place in orbit around the Earth any objects carrying nuclear weapons or any other kinds of weapons of mass destruction, install such weapons on celestial bodies, or station such weapons in outer space in any other manner.

See, I have this diabolical plan to develop something called The Insanely Intense Death Ray of Pain that I shall install on the moon’s surface. I want to know how much resistance I can expect from you guys. Don’t get any ideas, though. You can only slow me down. Eventually, I will claim the moon as my own and on it, my Insanely Intense Death Ray of Pain will rise! YOU CAN’T STOP MY VILLAINY!

Sincerely,
Your Future Awesome Arch-Nemesis, Baddie

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