I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately and save for a few mentions on my Tumblr blog, I haven’t really talked about them. I’m thinking of writing Stubby Movie Reviews on the 10 films I recently saw but that sounds like a lot of work. So I’m just going to spoil each of them for you with a sentence and a random screen cap. You know, just because.

The Book of Eli

Mah Boy Denzel, who turns out to be blind, and Mila Kunis protect a copy of the Bible from Gary Oldman and his goons in a post-apocalyptic world, but they fail, which doesn’t mean a thing because Mah Boy Denzel has the entire book memorized and he eventually reaches Alcatraz, which is now a giant library, where the Bible is republished before Mah Boy Denzel dies.

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Previously on Jack Bauer Lite: Jack Baddier totally freaked out when he heard animals making animal sounds. What an idiot.

Jack Baddier: What a nice morning. Perfect for driving, smoking, dicking around with the CD player and talking to someone on the phone, all at the same time. Isn’t that right, Chloe?

Chloe: Hang up now! I need you to be alive and in our super secret office early! No later than 9 AM.

JB: Why? What happens at 9 AM?

C: The whole ground floor will be blasted with the Airborne Cancer Nano-Virus we invented.

JB: WHAT THE–?! WHY?!

C: Super secret beta testing.

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