The Doomsday Clock is a symbolic clockface maintained since 1947 by the Board of Directors of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists at the University of Chicago. It uses the analogy of the human race being at a time that is a ‘few minutes to midnight’ where midnight represents destruction by nuclear war. The clock has appeared on the cover of each issue of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists since its introduction.
It’s nice to know someone’s keeping tabs and anticipating the end of mankind through nuclear war, huh? And it’s pretty comforting that on Januray 17, 2007, the clock will be advanced to be closer to midnight. Whooptifreakin’doo.
Makes you wonder, what if those atomic pricks play a prank on us? You know, just for fun, they’ll move the clock to a minute to midnight to freak out everyone. It’ll be fun to see people act like the Apocalypse will be a week from Tuesday. Last ditch effort for virgins to get laid. Kill people you’ve always wanted to kill. Plastic Surgery in San Diego would be for naught for the 619 fuglies, eh?
You know what would be more fun than the Doomsday Clock? A Personal Doomsday Clock.
Imagine someone following you around (let’s call this person your Atomic Scientist Supervisor, or ASS), observing your every move, and whenever you do something that may contribute to the forthcoming of your demise, your ASS will alert you by moving the hands of your Personal Doomsday Clock.
Smoking? Five minutes to midnight for you, bucko. Quit smoking? Seven minutes to midnight. Not a big deal since quitting smoking doesn’t remove the crap from your lungs.
Cheating on your partner? Move three minutes closer to midnight, pal. You’ll never know if your partner’s a psycho killer. Move one minute closer if your partner catches you red-handed. Go directly to midnight and die if you’re doing it with his/her dad/mom. Eww.
Blogging instead of doing your office task which is due today? Your ASS probably won’t alert you on this one. Your ASS will wait until your boss kicks you out, after which your ASS will pass a resume to your boss. You’ll probably get a new job. As an ASS, maybe?
I’m done. You can stop wasting your time now and leave this blog. Gahd, I just moved the Baddieverse Doomsday Clock to a minute to midnight.