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Know Your Comic Book Characters with Dr. Doom #1: Spider-Man

Spider-Man Sexy Time

dr. doomGreetings, peons! I, Victor Von Doom, welcome you to this first installment of this grand series Doom would like to call “Know Your Comic Book Characters with Dr. Doom”. Although Doom finds this thing you call “blogging” pitiful, Doom sees that it is essential for you lowlifes to be acquainted with your comic book characters. Why? Because Doom decrees it to be essential, that’s why! For this inaugural edition of this wondrous series, Doom shall talk about that pesky wall-crawler, the so-called “amazing” Spider-Man.

His real name is Peter Benjamin Parker. He was raised by his uncle, Benjamin Parker, and his aunt, May Reilly-Parker. Doom could talk about young Parker’s scientific genius and brilliance, but Doom finds it boring. Yes, only Doom was a non-boring smart young person and no one else! Especially that accursed Reed Richards! Doom hates him. Doom hates all!

The only thing that interests Doom about Parker’s early years is the fact that he was often bullied, to which Doom nods in agreement. All nerds should be bullied, especially if your name is “Reed Richards”! So says Doom! In addition to this entertaining fact, Parker’s scientific curiosity led him to an accident involving radioactive isotopes and a spider. He was bitten by this radiation-bathed spider, and thus was born Spider-Man. Doom laughs at this folly! Doom laughs out loud!

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DVD Library #2: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Borat

I have missed several high-profile movies in the last few months… no, scratch that. I’ve missed several great films in the last couple of years! Thank the dark lord Satan for DVD’s. Okay, put the goddamn lightning bolt down, God. I’m just kidding. Jeez. We all know you had a hand in it too. Anyhoo, as I was saying, good thing there are DVD’s to let me catch up on the films I missed in the theater, like this one I’m about to talk about: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

borat

The Story: It’s simple, really. Kazakh TV personality Borat Sagdiyev, along with his documentary crew, goes to America to learn the ways and the stuff that makes the U.S. of A. the “greatest country in the world”. But like all great men, his weakness comes in the form of plastic boobs and blonde hair. His obsession with Pamela Anderson makes him travel across America, endangering their mission. It’s a plot that has been done to death already by several sophomoric comedies that aren’t really funny. This movie, though, is different. Within the simplistic plot lies several face-melting funny gags and practical jokes sprinkled with bigotry, misogyny, toilet humor, male nudity, and tasteless words. In the end, you’ll realize that the real story lies in the reactions, opinions, and actions of the American people “interviewed” by Borat. Very nice.

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DVD Library #1: Superman Returns

Superman Returns DVD

OK I’m starting another stupid “series” again, and this time, it’s all about DVDs. In my Weekly Haul series, I talk about my most recent comic book purchases. For this new series, I’m going to talk about my recent DVD purchases, and I’d like to call it *drumroll* DVD Library! I am so creative.

I shall start with a movie that took more than 10 months before I saw it. A movie that took more than a decade to finally push through. A movie that’s supposed to be the biggest and greatest comic book movie of our time, but sadly became another would-be usurper to Spider-Man’s throne. I’m talking about Superman Returns.

superman returns dvd

The Story: I’m just satisfied and not blown away. I’m also mildly irritated since they say the first Superman movie is a pseudo-prologue of this movie. That’s a confusing statement. I just wish they didn’t say that and instead, started from scratch like Batman Begins. They could’ve still paid homage to Richard Donner’s movie by putting in sly nods to it, instead of dwelling on it too much. And the kid! The goddamn kid. Don’t get me wrong, the kid’s a nice addition to the mythos, and a great source of drama for the characters, but it just feels so wrong. And I’d like to hear Bryan Singer explain how the hell did it exactly happen. You do not tug on Superman’s cape, and you do not give him a bastard son!

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Welcome to The Kingdom of Loathing!

The Kingdom of Loathing - Mountains

Several hours to go before I get off work. Problem is there’s no work to be done. I’m bored. I’m tired of going to the smoking area to smoke because of the non-smokers who stay there and give me menacing stares. Jerks. I’ve visited all interesting websites and blogs I know of (that are non-porn in nature), and I’m too lazy to explore new ones. Already read all new messages in all the forums I visit. Already reached my daily limit of people to piss off (and on). What’s a bored boring person to do? More importantly, what would Jesus do?! Play The Kingdom of Loathing, of course!

kingdom of loathing

Kingdom of Loathing is a browser-based multiplayer role playing game that can only be described effectively when you’re drunk and nobody’s listening. The writing is humorous, filled with wit and parody. The graphics… well, two words: stick figures.

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New Home

New Home

UPDATE (11/03/2017): This was when I got the domain bigbaddie.com. While I’ve already discarded most of my early posts, I’m keeping this one — no matter how cringe-worthy it is — for posterity. I’m sorry.

new home

After pulling my hair out with WordPress’ export and import features (there might have been some issues with the export feature and my previous host, but I don’t give a shit anymore), I decided to get my hands dirty and move my blog to a new host by interfacing directly with the database. It wasn’t pretty, but I managed to make the move without losing data. I rule!

So from this moment on, ladies and freaks, bigbaddie.com is where it’s at. Not entirely sure what “it” is, but it’s here, ‘yo. So for you lovely souls linking to my old URL, I beg you to update your links with my new URL. I’ll owe you a cookie. And as for the new visitors of this attention whore blog, ‘sup?

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Breaking News: Mooninite Invasion!

Mooninites

BOSTON, Massachusetts (CNN) — Authorities have arrested two men in connection with electronic light boards depicting a middle-finger-waving moon man that triggered repeated bomb scares around Boston on Wednesday, January 31st, and prompted the closure of bridges and a stretch of the Charles River. Meanwhile, police and prosecutors vented their anger at Turner Broadcasting Inc., the parent company of CNN, which said the battery-operated light boards were aimed at promoting the late-night Adult Swim cartoon “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.”

How about that. An innocent and creative attempt to promote an innocent and retarded cartoon sent hundreds of people in a collective panic attack, and cost a city hundreds of thousands of dollars. But everything’s okay now. Arrests were made. The truth about those devices with a “sinister appearance” have been revealed. We should all move on with our lives, right? Wrong! This isn’t just a simple hoax. This is a warning disguised as a hoax, masterminded by the most sinister beings ever. Yes, fellow Earthlings, this heralds the impending arrival of the Mooninites! Invasion is imminent! They will rock our collective Earthly face!

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Interrupted

November 22, 1987. Chicago, Illinois. Viewers of Dan Roan, the sports reporter of WGN-TV News Network at the time, were quietly watching Mr. Roan’s rundown of the day’s football highlights. The TV screen started to twitch. It distorted. And suddenly, a dude with a grinning face mask of Max Headroom greeted the viewers, much like what V from V for Vendetta did. But there was no audio. It lasted for only a few seconds. Approximately two hours later, the same thing happened with the WTTW network while they were broadcasting the Doctor Who episode Horror of Fang Rock. This time, there was audio. Most of the words the masked dude said was unintelligible. Towards the end of the mystifying pirate broadcast, an unknown female spanked him in the ass with a flyswatter. Hardcore. It freaked the hell out of everybody.

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Irrepressible

I believe the internet should be a force for political freedom, not repression. People have the right to seek and receive information and to express their peaceful beliefs online without fear or interference.

I call on governments to stop the unwarranted restriction of freedom of expression on the internet, and on companies to stop helping them do it.”

This is the pledge of Amnesty International’s campaign for Internet Freedom. A pledge that they will present in November 2006 to the governments and companies from all over the world in a United Nations conference that will discuss the future of the Internet. A pledge for freedom. A pledge against repression. A pledge that I took when I signed up for the campaign, and I think you should too.

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Pluto: Planet No More

Pluto

Pluto

August 24, 2006. The nine planets became eight. Yes, Pluto, the most distant planet from the Sun, was kicked out of the planetary club, with other members being Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Pluto is now considered a “dwarf planet”. Planetary discrimination, anyone? Anyway, the resolution for a new definition of a planet by the International Astronomical Union (or N.A.M.B.L.A.), which effectively kicked out Pluto from our solar system’s planetary club, clearly hurt Pluto’s feelings. What do the other planets say about this expulsion?

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Ako nAPO Muna – Not A Review of Kami nAPO Muna

Kami nAPO Muna

This is not a “review” of the APO Hiking Society tribute album entitled Kami nAPO Muna. Not a review because I’m not a music expert. This is merely a… umm… uhh… a constructive evaluation from a simple music fan’s point of view? Whatever dude.

Kami nAPO Muna

The album is most probably a way to recreate the success of the tribute album to the Eraserheads, UltraElectroMagneticJam! released last year. It also features several artists who did renditions for the said Eheads tribute album.

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