Greetings, peons! I, Victor Von Doom, welcome you to this first installment of this grand series Doom would like to call “Know Your Comic Book Characters with Dr. Doom”. Although Doom finds this thing you call “blogging” pitiful, Doom sees that it is essential for you lowlifes to be acquainted with your comic book characters. Why? Because Doom decrees it to be essential, that’s why! For this inaugural edition of this wondrous series, Doom shall talk about that pesky wall-crawler, the so-called “amazing” Spider-Man.
His real name is Peter Benjamin Parker. He was raised by his uncle, Benjamin Parker, and his aunt, May Reilly-Parker. Doom could talk about young Parker’s scientific genius and brilliance, but Doom finds it boring. Yes, only Doom was a non-boring smart young person and no one else! Especially that accursed Reed Richards! Doom hates him. Doom hates all!
The only thing that interests Doom about Parker’s early years is the fact that he was often bullied, to which Doom nods in agreement. All nerds should be bullied, especially if your name is “Reed Richards”! So says Doom! In addition to this entertaining fact, Parker’s scientific curiosity led him to an accident involving radioactive isotopes and a spider. He was bitten by this radiation-bathed spider, and thus was born Spider-Man. Doom laughs at this folly! Doom laughs out loud!