— Originally published in facerockery.bigbaddie.com. —
Every week, Baddie talks about his latest comics haul. For each comic, Baddie will give reasons why it rocks. The more reasons given, the more awesome the comic is. Fewer reasons mean the comic is just so-so or it’s terribly swimming in the sucktitude pool. Savvy? Good. Let’s rock!
Why Action Comics #851 rocks:
- It finally continues the story left open half a year ago.
- Adam Kubert draws a psychedelic Phantom Zone.
- General Zod named his son “Lor-Zod”.
- The Phantom Zone villains kick the DCU heroes’ collective ass in a span of a few panels.
- Lex Luthor shows Superman who’s boss. Take that, Last Son of Suckton!
Why Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps Special rocks:
- Ethan Van Sciver‘s art melts my face every time I see it.
- Being a non-fan of the Green Lantern mythology before I read this, I totally dig how I got into the story without being alienated.
- “In blackest day, in brightest night, beware your fears made into light. Let those who try to stop what’s right burn like my power, Sinestro’s might!” – Sinestro
- Professor Zoom makes the Justice League look like a bunch of n00bs.
- Cyborg Superman is interrogated by blue midgets in space!
- Guy Gardner taunts Superboy Prime with a hot Supergirl avatar. Mwreowrrr!
- A whole ass-load of yellow ring bearers threatens to spread terror across the universe: BOO-YAH!
- That Green Lantern with a giant head gets his eyes blown off by a sniper. In space.
- Superboy fuckin’ Prime is free!
- Kyle Rayner’s mom was killed by Despotellis the Living Virus!
Why Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness #5 rocks:
- On the cover, Wolverine actually looks like he wants to eat you.
- The Enchantress bites off Dazzler‘s pointer finger.
- “You dare interrupt Doom?! Is everyone so deep in the grip of fear from the cannibal zombies that they risk awakening the terrible fury of the Lord of Latveria?!” – Dr. Doom
- The Punisher bites flesh off Scarlet Witch‘s back while she’s still alive and talking.
- The Army of Darkness rises to whip some Marvel Zombie ass.
- Dr. Doom turns out to be the mini-series’ most heroic hero of heroism.
- Zombie Hulk threatens the Necronomicon: “Zombie Hulk eat lots. And Zombie Hulk need lots of toilet paper.”
- The crossover mini-series ends with Ash escaping the Marvel Zombies dimension and arriving in the Marvel Werewolves dimension.
Why Runaways #27 rocks:
- Nico and Karolina look totally hot in early 1900’s garb.
- “Whatever you’re selling, we’re not interested. Unless it’s, you know, weed.” – Chase
- The Adjudicator: 1907’s version of the Punisher. Instead of writing in his war journal, he writes in his record of conflict and transgressions.
- A bunch of super-powered people in the early 1900’s is always an interesting read.
- Molly is teh awesome.
- I’m Joss Whedon‘s bitch.
Why Thor #1 rocks:
- Although I’ve never appreciated any of J. Michael Straczynski‘s past works, I’d have to say this might reduce his level of sucktitude. I now know that he’s a little bit on the awesome side when he writes about epic things.
- I’ve always been a fan of Olivier Coipel‘s art ever since I read his “Avengers” issues. I think he’s getting better. He draws a pretty awesome Thor.
- It’s the return of Thor, THE GOD OF FREAKIN’ THUNDER!
- “I am Thor! Son of Odin, God of Thunder, who commands the lightning and the storm!” – Thor while dispersing Void shadowlings with his awesome lightning. KRAKKABADOOM!
Why Uncanny X-Men #487 rocks:
- Bliss‘ mutant power. It’s probably the only thing more disturbing than Masque‘s fugly face.
- Professor X looks like Lex Luthor. That’s probably why he’s such an ass.
- “Charles.” – Nightcrawler disgusted with Professor X “overhearing” other people’s thoughts. Smack that cueball a few times, elf!
- When Storm speaks, everybody listens.
Why Uncanny X-Men #488 rocks:
- Storm’s ass. Salvador Larroca draws ’em so fine.
- Professor X lies right in Val Cooper‘s face. Jackass.
- Warpath versus a freakin’ alligator in the sewers of New York! KRRNCHH!
- Professor X begins a quest to find Magneto. Nightcrawler, his sidekick, tags along.
- Skids‘ costume. It has a Bruce Lee feel to it. But sexier.
- Masque screws up the faces of innocent train commuters. Take that, innocent train commuters!
- Arnim Zola, Dr. Doom, Sugar Man, Mr. Sinister, and M.O.D.O.K. in a single page of the Endangered Species backup: priceless.
- The High Evolutionary‘s comments totally got me hooked on this whole Endangered Species shit.
Why World War Hulk: X-Men #1 rocks:
- The cover alone inspires “Hulk-on-mutant action! HELL YEAH!” reactions.
- Tony Stark and Hulk ask Professor X one of the most difficult questions in the history of all difficult questions: “How would you have voted?”
- Beast‘s reaction when he first saw what just trespassed on the institute grounds basically represents what the whole world feels when confronted with a Hulk problem.
- The nubile New X-Men pile on Hulk. Kickassery ensues.
- Hulk sends Rockslide‘s arms and legs to Connecticut. Badass.
- This is basically one whole issue of Hulk beating the crap out of teen aged mutants. And I don’t have a problem with that.
- The arrival of the Astonishing X-Men deserves a 10-minute guitar solo.
- “Xavier. You’re walking again. I can fix that.” – Hulk
Why X-Men: First Class Special rocks:
- I’m Jeff Parker‘s bitch.
- Thanks to this, I’ve discovered how awesome Kevin Nowlan‘s art is.
- “The bathroom is locked.” – Magneto
- Sexy baristas! YAY!
- “Poetry is better written.” – Professor X to a neo-mutant doing poetry readings
- Jeff Parker and Colleen Coover‘s strips are the cutest things ever!
- I never thought a story co-starring Dragon Man can be so poignant and fun.
- “Hot doesn’t impress the Bobby!” – Ice Man
- Dragon Man eats rhino chow.
- “Cerebro has calculated that ducklings are 40% more lovable than any other species. If Homo Superior can adopt some of their traits, we could be accepted by all mankind!” – Professor X, possibly on drugs.
Four of these fine comics aren’t exactly new this week. I think I’m taking this comic book geekery to the next level: picking up back issues. God bless my wallet.