My Stupid Bucket List

baddie’s bucket

I just saw The Bucket List and as expected, I totally fell in love with it. It’s a little too feel good for my taste, and I find it sort of… umm… unhinged from reality, but it’s just fascinating to see Mr. Nicholson and Mr. Freeman bounce off each other. Anyway, it inspired me to come up with my own “bucket list” like it probably did to most people who’ve seen it. For those unfamiliar with the term, “the bucket list” is a list of things you want to accomplish before you kick the proverbial bucket. Obviously, I’m still young and a little green in terms of life experience to make a definitive list, so I present to you the initial items to be included in my bucket list. My “first draft”, if you will:

  • Marry someone who I’d walk through hell for and who I’d consider my personal heaven. Haven’t met her yet, though. Or… have I? *dun dun duuunnnn*
  • Produce the most beautiful children in existence. Also, protect them from child molesters.
  • Get a tattoo. A huge one across the back. Ever seen Randy Orton’s? I want something more wicked than that. Then I want to start giving random people RKO’s.
  • Work in the comic book industry. I don’t care what type of job it is, I just want to be professionally linked to the industry of creating sequential art, even for just a while.
  • Witness the arrival of Drive Pilot flying cars.
  • Write a face-melting autobiography. I want my descendants to learn the life lessons that I’ve learned and have yet to learn like “referring to one’s self in the third person is plain stupid”.
  • Find and vanquish the dark lord of demon ninja midgets. He’s out there. Oh yeah. Believe me, he’s out there.
  • Go on a cruise and pretend I’m a bloody pirate with a noble heart trying to save a totally hot damsel in distress. YARRRR!
  • Make peace with all the people I have wronged and get the people who have wronged me say they’re sorry. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Vanessa Godinez from high school! You will rue the day you said “no” to me! RUE!
  • Put up a business that will last for generations.
  • Watch a movie more beautiful than American Beauty.
  • Lose a serious amount of weight. Seriously.
  • Learn how to swim. I feel stupid doing the doggy paddle all the time.
  • Figure out how to be the ultimate ninja. Clearly, this is going to be on everyone’s bucket list. Clearly.
  • Kiss a girl on the beach under the moonlight with no alcohol involved.
  • Get a pet cat, name him Thunderclaw, and take funny pictures of him to be posted on his own photoblog that I will monetize like hell.
  • Impregnate Kim Smith.
  • Find the joy in my life. Jack and Morgan each had their own interpretations of it in the movie, and I have my own. The joy in my life is that one small moment when I take a look at everything in my life and say “That’ll do, Baddie. That’ll do.”

I know there are items in there that sound crazy and are nearly impossible to accomplish like, say, losing a serious amount of weight, but life’s like a box of chocolate, right? I’m just gonna wing it and hope to the winds that I’ll be granted all my desires. You should too.

Know what? I think you should make your own first draft of your bucket list and post it on your respective blogs. Consider this a stupid meme and I’m tagging all of you. But it’s alright if you don’t do it, really. Pussies.


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