The Atari 2600, the video game console that popularized the use of microprocessor-based hardware and game cartridges, was released in October 1977 and peaked in popularity in the mid-80’s. It was officially retired in January 1992, giving it a lifespan of 14 years and 2 months, the longest in US home video game console history. Due to its significant impact on video game and consumer electronics history, plus the added value of nostalgia, many people not only still play this console, but they also make homebrew games. Of course, we know these people fail to win the one game that really matters: the “Get a Life!”game. ZING! With that lame intro out of the way, I present to you my own homebrew games:
A gang of KKK members stole Mr. T’s bling-blings and it’s up to you to help him track down the suckas and retrieve his precious loot! No pity fo’ those fools in Blingstravaganza with Mr. T!
It ruined your marriage! It kept you up for countless nights! Soon, it will bug you for lunch money, and then college tuition fees! It’s time to Kill the Stupid Baby!
In order to get back home, you must defeat all enemies. You must prove you deserve to live, and you shall do so by inhabiting a four-legged animal of your choice. Annihilate all four-legged enemies and go home. Welcome to Four-Legged Battledome!
Equipped with throwing knives, battleaxes, two-edged swords, and other weapons for crimes of passion, your ex is hunting you down even when you’ve already said you’re sorry and you think the relationship wouldn’t work out anyway! You must do everything to survive the horror that is Vengeance of the Ex!
You will be given an arsenal of different kinds of balls. From golf balls to bowling balls, they’re all at your disposal. Your mission? Hit as many faces with your balls as you can. The excitement never stops with Balls to the Face!
It’s good ol’ soccer, but more fabulous. It’s Gay Soccer!
You are a trainer of handicapped animals and you’re down on your luck. You join an underground society of animal trainers with only one purpose, and one purpose alone: participate in a race to win the prize of $700 Bajillion! Are you ready for Handicapped Animal Race?
Rogue mascots on drugs run rampant in your city. Tasked with apprehending, restraining, and interrogating them, you must use your wits and your handy pepper spray to bring these sinister beacons of disorder to justice! It’s all-out action in Super Mascot Arrest!
A strange virus has decimated nearly half of the pets around the world and it’s up to you to increase their numbers by breeding different species with each other! Treat the animals with care and make sure they’re always totally horny to bring happiness back to pet lovers. Get ready because it’s Pet Sex Fun Time!
Paris Hilton loves to screw. She needs your help in screwing things around her mansion! If you do well enough, she’ll give you the ultimate prize: you get to screw her! But if you fail, you both go to jail where you’ll get to share a cell with the blonde heiress and screw her anyway. That’s a win-win for you, buddy. Experience Screwing with Paris Hilton now!
Think “Iron Chef”… in spaaace. Lord Vader is tired of all the microwave meals and he demands something new! You, as one of the empire’s elite stormtroopers, will learn to cook exotic intergalactic meals before you go head-to-head with other master chef wannabes to determine whose cooking is more awesome. Prepare yourself for Stormtrooper Cook-Off!
You and your wife are new to the neighborhood so you throw a party to get to know the neighbors better. You must become friends with as many black people as possible before the party ends or the black people will rob your house! And they’ll steal your wife too! Gotta befriend ’em all in Blackemon!
Okay, so these are obviously not homebrew games. I just had too much fun with the Atari 2600 Label Maker. Shut up.