I know. That title is an easy target for Pedo Michael jokes, but you need to know that I’m serious and I will not make Michael Jackson jokes in this post. I’m writing this with the motto “Say only good things about the recently dead.” or something. This is about my early childhood memories of the King of Pop. I may not be his biggest fan, but I know that in my younger years, he touched me. Yes, Michael Jackson touched me when I was still a little boy.
MJ touched Bubbles the Chimp and Mr. Bulldog (not real name) too.
My dad had a lot of cassette tapes lying around the house. He used to play music every Sunday morning. Among all the artists in his collection, I gravitated towards 3 super groups: The Beatles, Eagles and The Jackson 5. I was practically infatuated with The Jackson 5 Christmas Album. Hearing that shit gave me the happies. Seriously, whenever I felt sucky, I would sing “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” under my breath and everything would be fine. It didn’t matter if it was the holidays or the middle of summer. Michael and his brothers were always there for me, ready to bring me to my happy place via their joyful soul.
Michael Jackson didn’t just make me gay (and by that I mean “cheery”) with his magical mouth (you know, the orifice he used to sing?), he also SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
Michael? Oh, thank goodness! I thought you were de– OH MY FUCKING GOD!
The first time I heard “Thriller”, I froze in fear then I retreated to my room, curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth while saying the Lord’s Prayer. And then, AND THEN, I saw the video. Jesus effin’ Christ. I was scared shitless. I mean, sure, now the video looks goofy and I’m totally in love with zombies, but back then? Michael Jackson and his dancing zombies were my bogeymen. Childhood trauma, you guys. I has it.
To recap, Michael Jackson transported me to my happy place via lazy music-filled Sunday mornings with family and he gave me the gift of FEARING THE DARK AND EVERY THING THAT GOES BUMP IN THE NIGHT. Thank you, Wacko Jacko. My inner child will always remember you (in a non-erotic way, of course).