Like any normal idiot on the internet, I answer online quizzes to kill time. Funny, considering back in college, when quizzes meant life or death in some of my subjects, I hated them. At one point, missing and/or failing quizzes caused me to fail a subject. And now I’m answering stupid online quizzes instead of doing something better on the web like, say, surfing porn sites. Anyway, I recently took two online quizzes. One is “Which Superhero Are You?“, and the other one is “Which Super Villain Are You?“. Apparently, I like to wear green.
|Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.
You are Dr. Doom
|Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.
Dammit. I wanted to be Batman! But the quiz says I’m more Supergirl than I am Batman, and online quizzes never lie! Green Lantern? Never liked Hal Jordan but I do agree that we share the “hot-headed” and “good imagination” qualities. I’m not sure about the “strong will power” part, though. Yeah, I’m a wuss.I love the result of the villain quiz, though. Dr. Doom has always been my favorite villain. That’s why I was disappointed with the Fantastic Four movie. Comics Doom can kick Movie Doom’s ass while cursing and speaking in the third person. He’ll also kill the rest of the movie’s cast and crew, and then he’ll take Jessica Alba as his bride. He’ll require her to walk around topless, wearing only a thong, and wet. Because he’s Doom. And you shall bow down to Doom!In honor of Dr. Doom’s magnificence, I’ll let him comment on my haul for this week:
52 #35: Doom admires what Lex Luthor has done. Yes, he may be inferior to Doom (everybody’s inferior to Doom!), but after pushing the button (of doom!), causing his manufactured “superhumans” to fall from the sky, Doom might consider him a possible threat to Doom’s plans of world domination. Bodies falling everywhere, crushing people on the streets and causing gas lines to explode, it was chaos in Metropolis. Doom is not sure why Luthor took back the powers he gave to imbecile civilians except his so-called Infinity Inc., but Doom is sure that there’s a sinister reason behind it. Meanwhile, in space, Lobo seemingly has turned on Starfire, Adam Strange, and Animal Man. Doom does not care about these heroes even if they will be facing Lady Styx and her Stygian Horde, a force capable of destroying whole star systems! Doom is looking forward to that battle, which will surely be short. Doom is upset because there’s no origin back-up story this week! Doom demands origin back-up stories every week!
Doom gives this 3 out of 5 freefalling superhuman bodies.
Agents of Atlas #3: Doom understands that Baddie, the pathetic owner of this pathetic blog, has been requesting for this issue from his comic book shop for a couple of months now, and it has finally arrived. For that, Baddie is very thankful. Doom could care less! The magnificent writing of Jeff Parker pleases Doom. Doom thinks he shall give Mr. Parker the whole continent of Asia after Doom conquers the world because he is very much entertained by this title. Doom is considering recruiting Jimmy Woo’s agents, especially the Uranian Marvel Boy. But first, Doom will make it clear that Marvel Boy is never to eat at the same table with Doom because he finds extending your esophagus outside your body while eating very disagreeable. Doom is also pleased with the extras at the end of every issue. Doom is very pleased with the whole mini-series, and for that, the creators shall not be killed when Doom becomes the ruler of Earth.
Doom gives this 5 out of 5 dead Atlantean queens.
Birds of Prey #100: Doom is being pestered again by Baddie. He’s saying that since he enjoyed #101, which he purchased last week, he picked up this one since it’s the beginning of the current story arc, and he’s glad that his comic book shop still had a copy. Baddie annoys Doom. Doom is infatuated by this book’s artist, Nicola Scott. Aside from creating beautiful artwork, Ms. Scott herself is a beautiful work of art. She shall be one of Doom’s brides in the new world order. Doom’s world order. Doom also admires Gail Simone for writing an action-packed, humorous, and very entertaining story.The Birds of Prey team is a very dangerous and beautiful group of women worthy of being Doom’s brides, as well as being one of Doom’s covert strike forces to bring down whatever resistance is left in Doom’s new world order. Doom will also bring back Black Canary into the group because she is a very interesting and attractive woman as shown in this issue’s backup story.
Doom gives this 5 out of 5 Zoo Crew glasses.
Civil War #6: Hahaha! Doom is now sure that he can easily beat the superheroes of America. With this Civil War business taking much of those fools’ time and attention, it would be a walk in the park to invade the most powerful nation in the world! Reed Richards (blast you, Richards!) and his affiliates are currently building an army of superheroes who will be deployed all over the United States (Doom believes there would be one superhero team designated per state). This plan may not come to fruition since Captain America and his Secret Avengers have freed the imprisoned heroes from Iron Man and Richards’ Negative Zone prison. It’s interesting that the sociopath Punisher was very instrumental in that daring escape. Iron Man’s Pro Registration forces and Captain America’s Secret Avengers are now face to face, ready to come to blows. That big battle will happen next issue, and Doom hopes that they all fight to the death. Except, of course, Reed Richards. His death shall only come from the iron hands of Doom!
Doom gives this 4 out of 5 flirtatious moments between Namor and Invisible Woman.
Justice League of America #5: Doom is confused. Doom has been informed by Baddie that Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman spent a large amount of time in the first 3 issues sitting around a table and looking at pictures of superheroes to determine who will be the new members of the new Justice League. However, this issue shows the seemingly final roster of the new team coming together, which renders the table deliberations and casting of votes totally useless. It is fortunate for the writer, Brad Meltzer, that this is the only flaw that Doom sees in this book, or else, Doom would’ve had him trampled by his Doombots. Doom finds the scene between Red Arrow and Hawkgirl, in which Red Arrow just stares (and stares and stares) at Hawkgirl and then uttered the words “Pretty bird.”, hilarious. Doom understands that Baddie is exactly like that when in the presence of beautiful women. And speaking of beautiful women, Ed Benes draws them very well. He, like Jeff Parker, shall receive land from Doom. He shall have Australia.
Doom gives this 4 out of 5 reincarnated monsters.
Punisher War Journal #2: The Punisher is a man of war. He may be a sociopath, but he is still a soldier. In the current Civil War between Captain America, Iron Man, and their respective forces, Frank Castle sees himself as a patriot fighting for what he believes is right. He sees Captain America as his commanding officer, and therefore he respects him. That respect is evident here, and in the Civil War main title as well. But it did not last. As soon as Castle saw a couple of villains, he gunned them down right in front of the Captain. He punished them. That is why Doom sees Frank Castle as a very valuable soldier. He shall be one of Doom’s generals in the new world order. Doom will give him servants who will tend to his needs. Those servants shall be Matt Fraction, who wrote this fantastic issue, and Ariel Olivetti, who handled this fine issue’s gorgeous artwork.
Doom gives this 5 out of 5 mini Iron Man robots.
Uncanny X-Men #482: It is a glorious sight, Billy Tan’s artwork is. It is dynamic, and Doom likes it. Doom is curious as to how this “Rise and Fall of the Shi’ar Empire” saga will end. The X-Men, along with the Starjammers, have just rescued Lilandra, the rightful ruler of the Shi’ar empire, from her captors. Meanwhile, Darwin also made a daring rescue attempt on Professor X. He also discovered that Vulcan, the seemingly unstoppable enemy of the X-Men, and brother to Cyclops and Havok, had joined forces with D’Ken. All the pieces are in place. A grand battle looms. A battle which is worthy of Doom’s attention. It seems Ed Brubaker, the scribe of this title, also deserves a place in Doom’s new world order. Doom shall give him the Atlantic Ocean.
Doom gives this 3 out of 5 daring rescue attempts… in spaaaace!
X-23: Target X #2: Doom is enamored by this young girl called X-23. In this issue, it is revealed that she once had a run-in with Captain America, and she outsmarted him. If a person, a young teenage girl at that, can disturb Captain America so much, that person is worthy of Doom’s new world order. Mike Choi and Sonia Oback’s art is stunning, worthy of being displayed in the halls of Castle Doom. The writers, Craig Kyle and Chris Yost, deserve their own countries in Doom’s Earth. They made Doom snicker at the humorous scenes at school, where X-23 was sent to the principal’s office twice within four hours because she talked about torturing police and poisoning people in front of her class. She then got suspended for disrespecting the principal. If the last page is any indication, we may see a lot of blood in #3 courtesy of little miss X-23.
Doom gives this 5 out of 5 sexy goth chick outfits.
Dr. Doom: Curses! There are no more comics to read! Baddie, bring Doom more of your comics, immediately!
Baddie: In my room. Three longboxes at the left side of the bed. Knock yourself out.
Dr. Doom: Bring them to Doom!
Baddie: Okay, okay. Jeez.
Dr. Doom: But before you go, bow down.
Dr. Doom: Bow. Down. Bow down to DOOM!