The last two installments of Facebook Dickery was all about good clean fun. Now, it’s time to get dirty! Time to be naughty! Time to unleash all your impurities! Behold, the My Purity Test app!
Are you a naughty little emo devil, a boring J-Pop starlet, or a pure-hearted angel on Earth (who might just be a transvestite)? You can determine that (yeah right) and more with this app. Let’s start with the Purity Profile:
It’s basically just a form you have to fill out so you can tell everybody in your own words how “pure” you are. You can feed everybody total bullshit and they can’t do anything about it. Boo-yah! But of course, the profile includes a comment section where your friends will probably call shenanigans on your profile data. Assholes.
If you can’t sway them in believing your lies honest presentation of your purities and impurities, you can always prove it by tagging your uploaded photos via the Proof of Purity feature. This way, you can show people how pure or not pure you are by showing them some of your revealing or innocent photos. You can also go to your friends’ Purity profiles and show them proof of their purity or impurity. The weird thing though, is you can only use your photos, which is just baffling. It’s somewhat hard to prove your friend is impure by tagging them with your impure photos. Meh.
The driving force of this app is the test itself. You’ll be given a 100-item questionnaire and answering it will give you your Purity Score. If you’re too lazy, you can skip the test and enter whatever score you want, cheater. Anyway, it can be depressing if you believe this is how “pure” you are.
I’m going to hell. But not before I dick around everybody’s profiles and rate their purity! Yes, with this app, you can go to a friend’s profile and rate them if they’re less pure than what their current Purity score says. That is if they’re brave enough to put the Purity box in their profile. Cowards.
The most fun feature of this app, methinks, is the Purity Ladder where you can put your friends head-to-head and determine who’s less pure. You’ll be given 50 head-to-heads and trust me, it’s a fun way to kill time. Or to neglect work. Here’s a few interesting match-ups I encountered while increasing my ladder’s accuracy:
Suyen vs. ?: I’ll go with the hottie. Question marks are evil. EVIL!
? vs. a car: Run it over, car! RUN THAT SUMMBITCH QUESTION MARK OVER!
Prudence vs. The Jew: They both look innocent enough, but Twitter and YM say otherwise. I’d say it’s a tie.
Noelle vs. Ade: People who do yoga are the purest. Sorry, Ade. =(
Baller Hitler vs. Gingy: Too easy. Baller Hitler is definitely less pure.
Sue vs. Sue and Claire: Sue gets help from Claire to take on… herself?! This makes my head hurt so I say draw.
Lauren vs. Lauren: I say the Lauren on the left is less pure because the other one is always right. Get it? She’s always right because she’s the Lauren on the right and… she… you… heh. Hrmph.
Steel vs. a dog: I’m not gonna answer this one because Steel is my friend.
Ah, yes. There’s nothing more fun and engaging than judging your friends online. After doing so, your ladder, composed of the Most Pure and Least Pure columns, will be more “accurate”. Pointless waste of time? You can say that. Amusing way to kill time? Definitely.
Here are the rest of the posts in this series:
- Facebook Dickery: Graffiti App
- Facebook Dickery: Quiz Monster