DotA: Nakakabaliw – Where do I even begin?

A movie called DotA: Nakakabaliw is in Metro Manila theaters right now and it has me stumped. This is not a review of the movie because I haven’t seen it yet and you would have to set my balls on fire to force me to consider buying a ticket. Instead, this is me just judging the movie based on its trailer and poster because that’s what I do.

Before we begin, let me just say that I take great joy in making fun of DotA and its legions of supporters and haters on this blog. The hilarity produced by the DotA culture is simply magnificent.

Now let’s discuss what the film is about. It allegedly explores the consequences of playing an online game too much. A group of teenagers’ obsession over DotA leads them down a dark path to danger and insanity. Like, you’re talking smack with your buddies at a computer shop one second, and the next, you’re roaming the streets and stealing bananas from whiny vendors. Interesting premise, I have to admit. The execution, however, is also interesting — but not in a good way. Let’s take a look at DotA: Nakakabaliw‘s poster:

DotA: Nakakabaliw

Aside from danger and insanity, DotA apparently also leads to horrible Photoshopped images. It’s like they crowdsourced the poster to a bunch of glue-sniffing toddlers. They have a Fight Director but they can’t get a decent designer from Fiverr to do an attractive poster? Also, holy crap — Whitney Tyzon is still alive.

Now let’s check out the trailer:

I know, right? First of all, we get the entire plot of the movie in that trailer. If the actual scenes from the movie aren’t quite clear enough for you, let the oddly specific lyrics of the rap song playing in the background tell you the entire story. They even threw in some credits in the end! And do I even need to point out the acting? I’ve seen Eat Bulaga Lenten Specials better shot and written than this, and those are on free TV.

I have always been an advocate of movies that suck because I can always find entertainment value in them, but the poster and the trailer are just making me really angry. Sure, I’m kind of amused that a bunch of punks are throwing computer CPUs at each other and a bunch of people are creepily staring at two young lovers who are about to kiss awkwardly, but those things can’t possibly justify why this movie was made.

I mean, what were they thinking? We keep demanding that local productions give us something new and that they quit shoving MMFF crap down our throats and then they give us DotA: Nakakabaliw. Tss. Mabuhay ang pelikulang Pilipino, indeed.

I can’t wait to see it on TV or YouTube, though.

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