chuck norris vs. yo momma round 2

Chuck Norris vs. Yo Momma Round 2

In General Dickery by Gino Carteciano10 Comments

Round 1 went to The Norris, but Your Mom thinks it was a fluke! She wants a rematch and The Norris is ready to give it to her, so let’s get it on!

chuck norris vs. yo momma round 2

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Yo momma so poor she envies you to death for having five dollars.

Advantage: Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up. He’s pushing the Earth down.

Yo momma so fat Chuck Norris can’t push her down. Or up. Or sideways.

Advantage: Yo momma

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Yo momma so ugly, Chuck Norris checks under his bed for her every night.

Advantage: Yo momma

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Yo momma such a whore, she doesn’t care if she’s having sex with Chuck Norris or with a horse as long as she’s on top.

Advantage: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Yo momma so fat, after she got beat by Chuck Norris in a game of tennis, he thought he defeated a brick wall.

Advantage: Yo momma

Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.

Yo momma so stupid she believes everything is butter.

Advantage: Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Yo momma such a nagger, even people not listening to her die.

Advantage: DRAW

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.

Yo momma so stupid she’s still Google searching the meaning of “paradox”. And “fight”.

Advantage: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Yo momma such a slut she has sex with all restaurant customers and waitresses before ordering food.

Advantage: Yo momma

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendants now have white hair.

Yo momma so old she saw the whole thing.

Advantage: Yo momma

Amazing! The tables have turned! Just like in Round 1, the score is 5-4. But this time, Your Mom pulled the victory!

yo momma

This can only mean one thing: Round 3. When will it happen? The next time I encounter writer’s block, that’s when!

Comments

  1. I’d gladly take your writer’s block off your case anytime. Just fucking say so, I’d take it off your miserable hands in exchange for a medal of valor, a piece of rough shell that got stuck in my shoe the last time I went to puca beach, and a drop from the fountain of "eternal" youth (because the ordinary "fountain of youth" is ordinary). Oh, and a Sodexho pass worth P50. And an "Eternal Flame" WITH Madonna! Please say yes.

  2. It is impossible for losing and. Chuck Norris to be in the same sentence. See?

  3. No! Our Chuck Almighty cannot luz to a tubbard! Kills! Kills!

    (*prays for more blessings from Our Chuck who art in heaven)

    (*then scrams from Baddie’s sight)

  4. @Fritz: NO. lulz

    @Leon: But it IS possible. Observe: Losing Chuck Norris will mean the end of the world for everyone except your mom. I MAKE YOUR HEAD EXPLODE!

    @LOLga: Your mom’s got my back! Actually, yo momma so fat, she’s got everybody’s back! ba-da-BISH!

    @Trench and Deb: Finally, fellow blasphemers. Heh.

    @Neil: OK.

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