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So I’m pretending to be all mysterious and silent and anti-social and shit, right? I was doing fine until I saw the trailer for The Machine Girl. As much as I want to stay quiet and act seriously serious, I can’t. I mean, Yakuza? Ninjas? Tempura? Chainsaws? Flying Guillotine? Drill Bra? Lots of blood? REVENGE?! It’s making my vagina wet, and I don’t even have a vagina! Consider yourself watched, Japanese Movie Made of WIN!

So I just tendered my resignation the other day and I have more or less 4 weeks left in my current job. Those remaining weeks will be spent in tying up loose ends, which basically means I’ll just have to oversee the completion of my unfinished tasks and slowly break the news that I’m leaving to Smoking Area Smokin’ Hot Chick. She’ll be devastated. Who will she exchange intense looks of lust (or disgust) with now? You have to be strong, Smoking Area Smokin’ Hot Chick. You have to be strong.

In light of these recent events that render me invulnerable to new projects, I now have a lot of free time to do stuff like spring cleaning the hell out of my office Mac. I don’t look for job openings while at work, though. I don’t want to use the company’s resources for my job search. It’s just not right. I dick around the Internets instead. And this dicking around led me to the greatest 5-second video in history: DRAMATIC CHIPMUNK (that is actually a prairie dog)!!!

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Today marks a new low for Baddie. I’ve decided to tell you who I have the hots for in the wonderful world of animation. Yeah, I know this is going to be uncomfortable and we’ll probably share a lot of awkward moments when we meet in person, but goddammit I have to let you know! It’s just the right thing to do! Ladies and gents, the Cartoons I’d Like to Fuck:

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All is fun in a restaurant na ako lang ang kakain! [All is fun in a restaurant where I'm the only one who will eat!]

Good times. Hey, I’m sure you guys (well, at least you guys in the Philippines) have been hearing this kind of singing since November and you’re probably sick of it by now, but let’s all bask in the silliness of this raped song to spread some holiday cheer.

Direct your friends to the video’s YouTube page to help the kids get the frickin’ words right. Let’s do the Lord’s work, people! Chop chop!

This Kung Fu guy starts fighting this Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wannabe, right? It just looks like your regular old Kung Fu movie complete with The Six Million Dollar Man sound effects. Until this dude starts doing all these crazy moves while he’s still in the air. And then he dances.

Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t think this is awesome. If you don’t find this anywhere near AWESOMETASTIC, there’s no future for us being friends.