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Less than 2 years ago, Pluto was demoted to being a dwarf planet. I covered the reactions of the other planets after the shocking demotion. Now, it’s time that we check up on the ex-planet. It’s time for us to go Behind the Planet, or should I say, the dwarf planet. Snapz!

After Pluto was expelled from our solar system’s planetary club, life went on for the remaining 8 planets. Jupiter proceeded to brag about his awesome Great Red Spot, Mercury continued with his eccentric orbit around the Sun, and Earth stayed blue and pretty. Business as usual. Pluto, however, went on to follow a lonely dark path to deep depression.

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Yes, after several years of failed attempts at controlling fire, I’ve finally done it! I always knew I was special. Mutant special. And now that I’ve discovered my previously latent mutant pyrokinetic ability, I’m wondering if I have other superhuman powers. I’m determined to find out, and I believe I can discover the truth with the help of my trusty old friend, SCIENCE!

You should know that there’s no one better in utilizing SCIENCE! than me. I’m a frickin’ scientist! I mean, I graduated with a Bachelor of SCIENCE! degree in Computer SCIENCE! I have a piece of paper to prove it! And seriously, you just can’t argue with a piece of paper. Sure, it took me 7 years to finish the damn course, but still.

So, without further ado, here’s my short quest in finding out if I have other awesome abilities… using SCIENCE!

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August 24, 2006. The nine planets became eight. Yes, Pluto, the most distant planet from the Sun, was kicked out of the planetary club, with other members being Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Pluto is now considered a “dwarf planet”. Planetary discrimination, anyone? Anyway, the resolution for a new definition of a planet by the International Astronomical Union (or N.A.M.B.L.A.), which effectively kicked out Pluto from our solar system’s planetary club, clearly hurt Pluto’s feelings. What do the other planets say about this expulsion?

Mercury: Well, we were never really that close. We’re actually the two members who are the most distant to each other, so I don’t give a rat’s butt.

Venus: It’s, like, so sad, you know? To lose, like, someone who’s been there for you for a long time? He’s like a younger brother to me and Earth, you know? Of course, a younger brother is always a loser. I mean, come on. His name was given to him by a young girl named Venetia. Venetia! Like, whatever.

Earth: Pluto sucks. I’ve got the International Astronomical Union (or N.A.M.B.L.A.), and he has methane gas. What a loser. My moon can kick his 3 moons’ collective ass!

Mars: What Earth said, beeyotch. And about the part about moons? I’ve got two. They can go tag team wrestling on Pluto’s ass! Plus, they call me “The Red Planet”. They call Pluto “Mickey’s stupid dog”. Pfft.

Jupiter: Dude. My Great Red Spot is bigger than Earth. How am I supposed to notice that there are 9 of us? Lame.

Saturn: There are 9 of us?! WTF?!

Uranus: Well, I’d rather get out of this stupid planetary club crap than to keep this stupid name. I’m the freakin’ butt of every planet-related joke! Look! I even made a joke about myself! “Venetia” is sounding really good right now.

Neptune: I’ll miss the little guy. It’ll make me more blue. *snicker*

And what does Pluto say about this?

Pluto: You’re all full of gas and fickle scientists!!! Fuck you guys, I’m going home!

The Sun just shrugs and revels in the fact that these nine idiots’ lives revolve around him.

Sun: Frickin’ idiots.