You know what you shouldn’t mix? Wine and the Dark Side.

From Yahoo! News:

HOLYHEAD, Wales – A man who dressed up as Darth Vader, wearing a garbage bag for a cape, and assaulted the founders of a group calling itself the Jedi church was given a suspended sentence Tuesday.

Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, attacked Jedi church founder Barney Jones — aka Master Jonba Hehol — with a metal crutch, hitting him on the head, prosecutors told Holyhead Magistrates’ Court.

He also whacked Jones’ 18-year-old cousin, Michael Jones — known as Master Mormi Hehol — bruising his thigh in the March 25 incident, prosecutors said.

I, Baddie, your shining Beacon of Truth, spoke with Lord Vader to get his side of the story:

Baddie: Lord Vader, what prompted you to attack those innocent Jedi freaks?

Darth Vader: My undying hatred for nerds! And inebriation.

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So, the Vatican has introduced seven new deadly sins. Do they have a committee that decides this kind of shit or something? The Committee of Sins, perhaps? Anyway, these new deadly sins (Genetic Modification, Experimenting on Humans, Polluting the Environment, Causing Social Injustice, Causing Poverty, Becoming Obscenely Wealthy, and Taking Drugs) are more hip than the original seven, and it doesn’t sit well with the old guys.

Pride: We were the first! Why do we need another seven?! We were the stars of a Brad Pitt movie, goddammit!

Wrath: DIE, N00BS! DIE!!!

Lust: Fakers. We can totally kick their pretentious asses. Mmmm… asses. Gangbang, anyone?

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One quiet morning in the land of Makati
A truly wonderful day for all
The boy Trillanes was under trial for a coup attempt
Everyone remembers the stand-off at the mall

Trillanes decided it was no fun
Several of his friends agreed, they be so sweet
Together they left the Hall of Justice
To march freely along the Makati streets

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Human law is supreme. Nobody can escape it. Not even *drum roll* GOD! Behold! The power of the almighty state constitution of Nebraska!

From Wired:

Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers (D – Omaha) filed suit against God Friday, asking a court to order the Almighty and his followers to stop making terrorist threats.

The suit (.pdf), filed in a Nebraska district court, contends that God, along with his followers of all persuasions, “has made and continues to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons.” Those threats are credible given God’s history, Chambers’ complaint says.

Chambers, in a fit of alliteration, also accuses God of causing “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like.”

As an aspiring mild-mannered reporter, I wanted to get the story from the defendant’s point-of-view. Unfortunately, God cannot be reached for comments (He never does listen to my prayers. Feh.), so I went to the next best source of divine information: Jesus Christ.

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“You cannot contribute anything to the ideal condition of mind and heart known as Brotherhood, however much you preach, posture, or agree, unless you live it.” ~ Faith Baldwin

We’re all probably aware by now of the tragic fate that befell Cris Mendez. The blogosphere has already presented all the emotions expected to come out of this senseless death. I pretty much share the same sentiments and I feel that everything that needs to be said has been said, and all that needs to be done has been… well, said. There’s one idea that rubs me the wrong way, though. And it comes from my favorite senator: the incomparable Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

From Inquirer.net:

“I am so furious. I am going to fight for a bill to abolish fraternities and sororities. As far as I’m concerned, from my experience in UP Diliman for four years in the College of Law, these fraternities do not aid the academic tradition of the University. They are nothing but elitist enclaves,” she told reporters.

I’ll have to firmly disagree with you on this one, Madame Senator.

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