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San Miguel Oktoberfest 120 (Siento Bente!) was officially launched on September 5th, 2008. It was my first Oktoberfest launch and it was very… interesting, to say the least. Why? I’LL TELL YOU WHY!

Had a couple of beers with Bim and Mike at Sidebar after we got our complimentary (I’m living the dream!) tickets from Juned (Thanks, Juned and Fritz!). Yes, we drank beer to warm up for an event that’s all about drinking beer. That’s how we roll.

Bim and Lauren had the foresight to not enter the event premises and wade through a sea of sweaty emo kids, fat drunkards, and tattoed punks. Mike and I didn’t. We navigated an ocean of sweat, unpleasant body odor, and inappropriate body contact. It wasn’t pretty. On the plus side, I got to touch a few nice female butts.

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Everybody’s talking about the Eraserheads these days. Hardcore fans. Posers. New media. Old media. All because of their reunion concert. This reminded me of how rabid a fan I was back in the 90’s and how casual an observer I am now. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the hell out of them and their music. I just loved them more when I was younger and the band was just beginning to shake the foundations of the Philippine music industry. It is all still fresh in my mind.

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I am a weak, weak person. At around 7 PM this evening, I succumbed to the call of the cancer stick. It was bed weather. Traffic along the South Luzon Expressway was moving slowly. I was listening to Concrete Blonde’s version of Ghost Riders in the Sky. I couldn’t help it. One week after I vowed to fight the good fight against Nicotine, I lost the battle. BUT NOT THE WAR!

I’m thinking maybe I did it wrong. I went cold turkey after 5 years of being a chain smoker. I never stopped smoking for more than a couple of days during the last 5 years, and now I suddenly expelled nicotine from my life. It was hard. Harder than saying “no” to free beer. Harder than not looking at a hot woman’s cleavage. Harder than closing a browser tab that contains your Plurk window. Going cold turkey wasn’t fun. It was torture. Happy torture. What?

I couldn’t ignore all the moments I felt the urge to light a stick and smoke my lungs out. I felt anti-social passing up on invitations to smoke from my co-workers. Every time I reached for a stick and found nothing there, I whispered expletives to myself. “Fuck you, self! The fuck’s your problem?!” But every time I resisted those seductive moments, I celebrated with a stupid smile. Happy torture. Weird, but there you go.

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For weeks — nay, months! — I’ve been seriously considering quitting smoking. What prevented me from succeeding was the stupid reason of not having someone to constantly police me, aside from my family of course. You know, a girl. I know, I’m the biggest attention whore ever. So yeah, the continuation of my love affair with Death is all because of the 3rd Stupidest Reason Not to Quit Smoking ever: “I don’t have a girlfriend to keep me in line.” (The 2nd is “I really like cancer!” and the 1st is “I don’t care about the feelings of Jesus.”)

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Here we are again. I’m about to write something silly and you’re going to read it. Remember Scorched Earth? I’m sure you don’t. Well, you’d probably be familiar with that post and what it’s all about after reading this one because I’m pulling another Scorched Earth.

See, the past few days, I felt like a pail of ice cold water was thrown AT MY FACE. Certain words were said. Certain possibilities were opened. I was suddenly asking myself what the hell am I doing? What the fuck am I going to do next? Am I really willing to do the things I’m not used to doing? It’s like I was lounging around, watching Pinoy Big Brother, minding my own business, when suddenly, God tore off the roof of our house and asked me in his godly voice, “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE, BOY?!”

In a matter of days, I found the will to organize my shit and figure out how to fix broken things in my life. I started to figure out how to move forward into directions I never even knew existed. The last few days were my Road to Damascus. A string of moments of clarity didn’t let me sleep right. It was a renaissance of the soul! And then, a road block… OF CHAOS! Baddie was is brokenated. All because of a small taste of a divine cookie.

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