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Are You a Mean Girl?

In General Specifics, Mean Girls Week by Gino Carteciano6 Comments

mean girls week

You may think only teen girls can be mean girls, but you’re wrong. There are different kinds of mean girls. There are ultra hot mean girls, fat whore mean girls, boy mean girls, gay mean girls, old mean girls, Eastern European dictator mean girls, ancient Egyptian demon reborn in the modern day world as a dentist mean girls, etc. Anybody can be a mean girl. You can be a mean girl. Not sure if you are? Want to find out? Yes? Well, luckily for you, it’s Mean Girls Week. It’s the perfect time to discover if you’re a skanky whore bitch mean girl inside. Just take the following quiz to find out! Grool? Grool.

1. A friend of yours introduces you to someone from another country. A weird country. Like Africa or Japan or something. You…

  1. invite him/her to join you for a cup of coffee, hoping to find out more about his/her culture and whatnot
  2. exchange pleasantries and move on with your crazy hectic life
  3. freeze and panic because you think all people from foreign lands carry diseases that can wipe out everyone on your side of the equator
  4. tell the summbitch to eat your shoe and fuck off before you punch him/her in the throat

2. You’re driving a car and you see a homeless person on the street choking on something he ate. Probably a banana peel. To make things worse, he slipped on a banana peel he didn’t eat and now he’s writhing in the middle of the road. You…

  1. stop and help the poor fellow by picking him up, bringing him to a safer area, and applying the Heimlich maneuver on his filthy body
  2. ask other people first to help you help the poor guy because you don’t want to look like an idiot manhandling a homeless person
  3. kill your engine, step out of your car, and slowly make your way to the nearest elevated area because you’re not sure if there are more dangerous banana peels dangerously lying around the road
  4. run the fucker over and go about your regular non-homeless person business

3. You catch a guy friend’s girlfriend cheating on him with a ridiculously hot Cuban DJ who smokes a lot and calls every woman he sees “Toots”. Even his mom. You…

  1. talk to the girl and tell her that you’re going to let it pass this one time because you don’t want to hurt your buddy’s feelings, but it better be the last because next time, you’re gonna squeal
  2. pretend you didn’t see anything and just party on ’til the break of dawn
  3. wonder if in Cuba, they also call it “Cuban cigar”
  4. take an incriminating picture so you can show your buddy that his girl is whoring it up, advise him to beat up the Cuban fucker, and post the skanky picture on the Internet with the caption “MONUMENTAL SLUT!”

4. Your mom tells you that she and your dad will be going on a 1-year vacation in Europe. With the rest of your family. You’re the only one who’s staying. “Hey, someone has to look after the house.” she says. You…

  1. wish them a nice trip and you give everybody a nice, warm, and heartfelt hug
  2. make them promise to call you twice everyday because you tend to get lonely easily due to the fact that you don’t have any friends and your family is all that you’ve got
  3. ask them how long their 1-year vacation will last
  4. say “Boo, you whore!”

5. One of your high school teachers invites you for dinner so you can reminisce about your good ol’ high school days. You…

  1. tell him/her it would be your pleasure to touch base with him/her again and it would be nice if more high school friends can join you
  2. politely decline because you’re not really interested in talking to any of your high school teachers, especially those who have thrown blackboard erasers AT YOUR FACE just because they were having a bad day
  3. cower in fear because you’re thinking maybe they made a mistake and you shouldn’t have graduated high school, and now they sent this teacher to haul you back to that terrible place of peer pressure, rejection, and bullies
  4. tell him/her to go fuck his/her dog and immediately devise ways to leave a burning bag of shit and firecrackers in front of his/her door

6. You apply for a job and go to your interview where the HR person tells you that you smell like alcohol, cigarettes, and a baby prostitute. You…

  1. say you’re sorry, ask him/her to reschedule the interview, and promise not to come to said interview after partying all night with loose college girls
  2. tell him/her you have a gland problem even if you don’t and you really just partied all night with loose college girls
  3. get offended, then engage the HR person in a debate about the differences between a baby prostitute and a fully grown adult prostitute
  4. leave and go straight to your house to blog about that company having a substandard human resources department, lazy and sleazy receptionists, and butt fugly employees who smoke like chimneys

7. An old lady cuts in front of you in a fast food line. You…

  1. tell the rest of the people in front of you to let the old lady order first because she looks so frail and hungry, and you will also pay for her food
  2. let it go and hope she’ll only ask for a cup of water and maybe some ketchup
  3. ask her about the time she was raped in World War II because you think all old ladies were raped during the war and you like war stories
  4. punch her in the back of her stupid wrinkly neck, kick her in her stupid ancient crotch area, push her down, and give her the good ol’ DX crotch chop while screaming “SUCK IT, HO-BAG BITCH!”

suck it

If you answered D on any of the items, you’re one of the meanest mean girls in Mean Girls history. If you answered some C’s in addition to some D’s, that means you’re one of the dumbest meanest mean girls in Mean Girls history. If you answered C’s with no D’s, you’re simply an idiot. Congratulations!



  1. Is a "baby prostitute" exactly what its name implies? If so, how might a cash-strapped 23 year-old end up smelling like one? Inquiring minds want to know.

  2. I'm a mean girl, but in a good way. I wouldn't hit the homeless person in the road, but I would call the police and get him arrested for littering. Which is great, because he gets to go to jail. He's not homeless anymore. Maybe it's not mean, it's more like tough love.

  3. @Coco: Well, depends on your description of a "baby". I mean, there are sickos out there who think 17 is still baby material. As for how you might smell like one, that's easy. Sex one up. OH NO I DI'INT!

    @Deb on the Rocks: Philanthropist mean girl. Brilliant.

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