Greetings, future Cobra slaves!
Today, on this so-called Blog Action Day, I, Cobra Commander, demand that you cease killing this planet at once! Your collective inefficient and indulgent lifestyle is promoting climate change, slowly poisoning Earth. This will not stand! You need to start cleaning up your act. You can start at home or at your pathetic workplace. Ask your so-called “leaders” to take action. Do little things that will pay dividends in the future. Our future (as master and slaves). There are plenty of resources online that can give you ideas on how to live Green. Take a break from YouTube videos of dudes smashing their balls with baseball bats for a couple of hours and start researching on how you can help, you lazy assbags.
As you know, it’s only a matter of time before I completely conquer the world. I will not rule over a dead planet! I need beautiful and serene orchards where my sex slaves can play! I need polar regions teeming with life where I can exile my enemies! I need clean air so I can, you know, live longer and shit. I need a healthy empire! A clean kingdom! A LIVING PLANET. What you’re doing now is doing damage to my future plans of grand conquest. You’re ruining my dream of a majestic future (for myself and my 70 hot young wives)! You probably know that your days as my slaves are fast approaching, that’s why you’re consciously killing Earth. SABOTAGE! I will not tolerate your scorched earth tactics!
ACT NOW OR SUFFER MY WRATH!
Future Emperor of Earth
Note: Cobra Commander is in no way affiliated with Blog Action Day or Change.org. AS FAR AS YOU KNOW.
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