WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME! I mean Girl World. Welcome to Girl World. Through the magic of the movie Mean Girls, I have been blessed with a chance to explore the intriguing plane of existence where everything is pink and valley girl-ish. I have seen things that will haunt me for as long as I live. I have witnessed drama that is both disturbing and fascinating. Since this is Mean Girls Week, I have decided to guide you through this world perilous! Take my hand, weary traveler. We’re going in.
In Girl World, it’s totally normal for totally hot teachers to remove their clothes in front of all their students just for kicks, which is totally cool.
Apparently, you befriend big gay guys in Girl World. I think you can’t just punch them in the mouth over there, but I’m not sure. Must observe more.
Teen royalty in Girl World? Totally bangable. Sure, most of the people over there hate them, but come on. They’re totally bangable!
They have these guys they call “man candy”. I think the name comes from the fact that the girls like to lick, suck, and maybe even eat those lucky bastards. Who are totally dreamy.
From what I saw, nobody can point out your flaws except yourself. In Girl World, we should be mindful of the things we say. We can’t just call people fat like we normally do. Got that, fattie? God you’re so fat. *sigh* What a fatass.
In Girl World, “doggy style” is a totally different thing. In that peculiar place, “doggy style” is when a dog chews on your nipples. Which is awesome. If you’re not the nipple owner.
The citizens of Girl World cower at the mere mention of this magical tome they call “The Burn Book”. It is said that this book contains great truths about the universe and all who touch it will burst into flames unless they’re a part of teen royalty.
In Girl World, they talk on the phone while being all sexy and shit. They talk about boys and shoes. Sexily. And then they have phone sex. Sexily. Sexy girl on girl phone sex action.
Christmas in Girl World is when they all dress up like Santa’s little helper skanks. They sing and dance in a totally slutty way, and then they have girl on girl group sex. Sexily.
In Girl World, you can find prostitutes in trashcans located in every corner. They’re free so you can just pick one up at your leisure. Coolness!
One thing I love about Girl World is that Asians can say “Nigga, please.” without a cap being popped in their Asian ass and without a knife being embedded IN THEIR ASIAN FACE. I love being able to say that without being stabbed in the face! It’s advisable to say it in subtitles, though. You know, just to be safe.
There are mutants in Girl World. People born with unique abilities that include unfaltering man candy manipulation, epic gayness, and ESPN.
There are many Girl World rules of feminism like “ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends”, and “on Wednesdays, we wear pink”. But the number one rule, the most important rule of all, is DO NOT FUCK WITH THE QUEEN BEE.
Girl World people talk about STD’s like it’s serious business. LOL
It is customary in Girl World for people to eat in the toilet. That way, you can take in food while you’re releasing “processed” food. It saves a lot of time. Time that you can use to talk to your friends about that black girl in your class who always gives you the stink eye.
In Girl World, Drew Barrymore let herself go.
It’s a strange world and, as much as I want to see (and hopefully bang) the hot ladies in pink, I don’t want to live in it. It’s just too weird for me. The sexy girl on girl action is tempting, though.