I just saw WWE Summerslam 2011 and its ridiculous ending. I call it ridiculous and I want you all to know that it’s a compliment. I’ve been a fan of pro wrestling since I was a kid and I’ve always known that it was scripted. This is why when people say that it’s fake, I just go NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. I don’t really get why people always feel the need to announce that pro wrestling is fake like they’ve just uncovered a super conspiracy dating back to the time of Christ. It’s a form of entertainment. It’s a loud piece of performance art. It looks like a sport, yes, but it has more similarities to the following than, say, basketball or squash.
Your Favorite Soap Opera
Pro wrestling has always been called the “soap opera for men” and that’s exactly what it is. Your favorite soap opera may not have pyrotechnics and ladder matches but they often tackle insane plot lines and larger-than-life characters, stuff that can also be seen every week in pro wrestling shows. If you find it hard to grasp the concept of pro wrestling, think of it as a street fight-themed soap opera in an arena with commentators.
Your Daughter’s Ballet Recital
Aww, how cute. Your daughter/sister/niece is performing at a ballet recital. She trained hard to get all the moves right and she has the charm to make her cute little ballet moves look more impressive than they really are. She’s putting so much love into it and you have so much appreciation with the whole presentation. But you know what? IT’S FAKE. It’s scripted! There’s choreography involved! These little girls aren’t dancing in sync because they can communicate telepathically. They train and practice before performing in front of you. Just like pro wrestlers.
Your Favorite Band’s Live Performance
Sure, each member of your favorite band — including that shady drummer with man boobs — has a musical talent. They use it to play music together but not to compete with each other. They use their personal musical skills at the same time to create a single product meant to entertain and make girls horny. Pro wrestlers do the exact same thing but instead of singing and shredding, they hit each other with flaming bats wrapped in barbed wire. Some musicians even set their instruments on fire and jump into a sea of people, which you see pretty much all the time in pro wrestling.
Kelly Kelly: I’d like to see HER all the time.
Your Favorite Stupid Reality Show
Come on. You really think all reality shows aren’t scripted? Have you ever seen an episode of DC Cupcakes?
That Really Cool Flash Mob You Saw at the Mall Yesterday
A bunch of people act like they’re not aware of what’s about to happen next and BAM! They’re dancing in harmony in front of your FACE! You know they planned it but you’re not going “Meh. That’s fake.” You just go ahead and admire the effort they put into the performance and try not to go to the Internet to inform everyone that flash mobs are scripted. Because they totally are.
Yes, it’s scripted. But it’s still real to me, dammit!