I’ve always been a sucker for cut scenes in video games, so Tekken: Blood Vengeance is pure eye candy for me. It pretty much has all characters looking like their video game selves and it’s such a treat to see them in a story that basically echoes the video game mythos. Unlike that Americanized live action bastard Tekken movie. I like it for the action but man, it just wasn’t Tekken-y enough. I mean, every time I see Live Action Heihachi, all I could think about is “Dude, that’s Live Action Shang Tsung.”

Your soul is mine!

There’s plenty of action and T&A here so HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND! But the T&A shots aren’t gratuitous, which I’m kind of thankful for. There are enough cute and genuinely bad ass moments here to justify minimal panty shots and jiggling breasts. Don’t get me wrong, though. The way these girls look, I wouldn’t mind seeing more suggestive scenes like this one:

Or maybe it’s just suggestive to me. Because I watch too much porn.

Now let’s get popping with this list which contains spoilers. SPOILERS I SAY! Let’s start with the explosive opening scene with the Sisters Williams:

Anna vs. Nina

You know you’re watching an awesome movie if the opening scene involves explosions and some hot sister-on-sister action. This initial fight scene sets the stage for brutal punches, kicks and submission holds peppered throughout the rest of the movie. Too bad it didn’t last long, though.

More girl-on-girl action

Like any good team-up in a genre movie, you have to have your buddies come to blows for a while for some drama. In this case, we have two teenage girls duking it out because it turns out they’re working for two opposing groups. Explosions and flying kicks and chainsaws, oh my! Also, one of them is a robot.

Rocket-powered Panda

That’s Ling Xiaoyu and Alisa Bosconovitch riding Panda who’s running on water. Probably the best escape sequence I’ve seen this year. It’s made 10x more awesome because of Panda’s happy face.

FAMILY CLUSTERFUCK

It’s a triple threat match between Kazuya, Jin and Grandpa BAMF, Heihachi! It’s brutal and fast-paced. It’s like Dragonball Z meets UFC here, you guys. However, I’m kind of bummed because this is the only scene where we see any of them in action. Actually, this is the first time we see Heihachi “in the flesh”. But this triple threat match makes up for the generally girl-on-girl action movie. Not that I’m complaining that we only see Xiaoyu, Alisa, Nina and Anna in the first 90% of the movie.

SKYROCKET SUPER PUNCH!

Visually, this is the best part of the film. You just can’t see this bit without going “That’s bad ass, yo.” At this point in the movie, I’m already going “What the hell is going on?!” The main event brawl is one giant mess of shouting, explosions, crying and punching. I guess this is your typical video game storyline. But it doesn’t really bother me because this scene right here with Alisa? It’s the hero shot of the entire movie and it just looks spectacular. Even if she’s just half the woman she used to be.

OK, maybe I’m selling these scenes too much. Actually, in any other movie, these 5 moments would just be OK. In Tekken: Blood Vengeance, though, you will get to ignore the generic video game plot and the lack of face-melting fight scenes thanks to the eye candy.

As a parting shot, here’s hot killer robot Alisa trying to chainsaw Xiaoyu’s neck: