To all my fellow dudes out there, heed this message! I have been to the glittery realm of chicks. I have been to the space where the brotherhood of the Y chromosome fear to tread. I have been to the regions beyond the human straight male’s understanding. I have been to Forever 21 at Megamall. It is vast and seemingly endless. Entering it is like staring into forever.

I explored this alien world with a female guide codenamed Rocketgirl. Take note that having a girl guide you through the treacherous designer landscape of Forever 21 will not make it less confusing, intimidating and scary. I expected a relatively large area filled with racks of clothes and other feminine things, but the sheer enormity of it all blew me away. Every time I expect to meet the end of the room, a new section unravels. It is a never-ending sea of fabric and metal and plastic and females and dejected boyfriends. However, fear not, my brothers. As you travel through the valleys of shorts and pants and tops and other pieces of clothing with names that will always escape your memory, you will find safe havens where you can collect your thoughts and rest your tired body.

There are displays of elegant inanimate figures otherwise known as mannequins strategically located in the middle of the chick jungle. The base of these displays have enough space for you to sit on and provide respite for your weary feet. These resting spots — I call them Boyfriend Stations — provide tranquillity and safe harbour for the huddled masses of boyfriends yearning to breathe free. I have seen the faces sitting in these Boyfriend Stations and at first,  they were funny but ultimately depressing. Blank stares. Eyes without hope. Facial expressions that seem to convey the message “GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! DEAR LORD, PLEASE! RELEASE US FROM THIS HORRIBLE HOLDING PEN IN THE CENTER OF THIS IS EVIL, EVIL PLACE!”

If you ever need to navigate these fiery fields of female fashion at the behest of your girlfriend, tread lightly and never show a hint of fear. Traversing into the heart of Girl World can be daunting, lads, but there is no cause to falter. It is not as perilous as it seems, trust me. Besides, remember that you are doing it for *~LOVE~*. You might even earn a few World’s Best Boyfriend points from the girlfriend if you show bravery and character. Do it for your lady and all will be well. This is Gino Carteciano, a proud survivor of Forever 21, signing out.