I recently saw all 5 Return of the Living Dead movies in succession. My Internet-honed logic tells me that I am now an expert in watching the Return of the Living Dead movies. That being said, let me walk you through the 5-movie zombiefest so you will be properly guided. Let us start with the original movie conveniently titled “The Return of the Living Dead”.
You need to be in a party mood when watching this zombie movie classic because it will pound you with slapstick comedy and punk rock. Expect to laugh at everything from the goofy zombies — including a midget — to the fashion of the times. Hey, it was the 80′s. Speaking of kids, make sure none of them are watching this with you because there is cursing and some nudity involved. Watch this at night for some good scares, but there’s not enough to reduce you to a flaming pile of heart attack. Good times all around.
Return of the Living Dead 2 is a more kid-friendly movie with a young boy as one of the leads. Gather up the entire family for a completely innocent good time with some gore on the side. The zombies move in a more Romero-esque fashion as opposed to the fast-moving non-threatening zombies of the first flick. Watch it with friends who saw the first movie with you and have a blast recognizing the references to the original.
Fast forward to the last thirty minutes because damn it, this one blows. You can spend the first hour dicking around on the Internet or sleeping. Whatever. Your choice. The point is that the geniuses behind Return of the Living Dead 3 decided that it was a good idea to get rid of the campy atmosphere of the first two films. Instead, they force cheesy drama and pointless �character non-development down our throats. If you agree with my opinion that teen angst should never be featured prominently in a zombie flick, skip this one.
More teen angst come your way in Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis, but it’s bearable. If you’re a strong supporter of universal zombie rules such as they can only die by shooting them in the head or by bashing their brains in with a hammer, get ready to punch someone IN THE FACE because they bend the rules in this one. Of course, the first two films established a set of rules that also do not comply with the universal zombie-killing rule, so I guess it’s OK? You can totally watch this one alone because the zombies are not threatening at all. At this point, it’s OK to doubt your decision of watching the series beyond the first two movies. Maybe you can just pretend that the only Return of the Living Dead movies in existence are the first two, which is exactly what I’m doing with the Superman franchise. But I digress.
If you’re thinking of giving up on this franchise and just moving on to other zombie movies, don’t. This fifth and last (so far) installment, even though it’s not as awesome as the first one, successfully translates the punk rock spirit of the original into a modern setting — by using drugs to turn horny college kids into zombies. Also, there are exposed breasts. Lots of them. It’s OK to be in a party mood again when watching Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave because zombies eat nerds and hot cheerleaders, and there are explosions too. If there’s a sequel that resembles the original the most in terms of being FUCK YOU, WE’RE KIDS, this is it.
Now you know what you can expect from these living dead movies. You can stay away from it and be a pussy, or you can do what I did, which is embrace it like a boss. Do take note that if you watch these five movies in succession, you will be compelled to download the awesome soundtrack of the first movie and create a pointless animated gif from the last.
