Being single for the past 3 years, I know a lot about the whole experience of spending Valentine’s Day alone. I know some of you would say that on Valentine’s Day, love between lovers is not the only kind of love we can celebrate. We can celebrate the love we have for friends and family. WRONG. We all know only bitter single people say that. Valentine’s Day is about the passion and the romance shared between two people. For those of us who are single, it’s a jarring reminder that we are, indeed, single.

We usually spend this day locking ourselves up in our cold and dark rooms or crying in the shower while eating fried chicken. This year, let’s mix it up a little. Let’s go on the Internet and wallow in self-pity there. As a trained professional expert in being single, it is my duty to inform you of your options for celebrating Valentine’s Day online.

1. Whenever you see people posting romantic messages on Twitter directed at unknown recipients, pretend that they’re talking to you to make yourself feel less lonely. People usually do this annoying thing on an everyday basis, so you might as well use it to your advantage.

2. Read blog entries that chronicle breakups, preferably nasty ones. Maybe you can even visit celebrity news sites and read items about celebrity breakups. Do it to convince yourself that couples eventually break up and you’re better off being single.

3. Watch streaming porn.

4. Talk to other single people via instant messaging. Chances are you will find someone on your contact list who is as lonely as you are. Maybe the two of you can go out on a pity date or something.

5. Stalk your object/s of affection on Facebook. Reminisce about the good times you’ve had — if any — via the See Friendship feature. Like everything — EVERYTHING — on their Wall to let them know that you miss them. It’s not creepy at all.

6. Buy sharp objects from eBay.

7. Update all your social networking accounts every 5 minutes and remind people that you are totally doing fine and you are definitely not depressed by the fact that you are alone and in front of your computer while other people are out having romantic dinners, watching romantic movies and hugging each other sexily.

8. Look for couples with shared social networking accounts and mock them. MOCK THEM HARD.

9. Go to every forum board you can find and post “LOVE STINKS” in random discussion threads until your IP gets banned.

10. Post Forever Alone images on Tumblr all day. Chances are the rest of the people on Tumblr will do the same.