Sam Pinto, the 100 Sexiest Women in the World, Judgmental Moms and Their Scared Little Children
So there I was at the nearest Ministop, sporting my fat hobo look with red barbecue sauce all over my shirt. I picked up some chips, a bottle of root beer and a few packs of instant pancit canton, then I headed over to the counter to pay for them. I cut the line, drawing spiteful looks from the family behind me. I couldn’t care less. I upset them more when I told the counter girl to hold off on my receipt because I just saw something that brought my world to a complete stop. On the rack a few feet from the counter are brand new issues of FHM. It’s their 100 Sexiest Women in the World issue and on the cover? Sam frickin’ Pinto.
I acted like a total dick when I got this and I should be ashamed, but fuck you, it’s Sam Pinto.
I got a copy and went back to the counter. The mother behind me gave me the appalled look. Her kids looked totally scared. Because really, here’s a fat hairy dude wearing hobo clothes, buying junk food, holding a magazine with a bunch of hot scantily clad chicks on the packaging and totally looking like he just stumbled upon the Holy Grail. I didn’t realize it at first, but I think I gave them the idea that I’m some sick child molester who spends his days stalking people on the Internet while growing a ridiculous beard in some dirty basement somewhere. Well fuck that judgmental mom! Fuck her and her freaked out kids! They could give me disgusted looks after staring at the huge patch of red barbecue sauce on my chest, but they weren’t going to stop me from purchasing Sam Pinto’s men’s magazine debut, dammit!
Totally Worth the Dickery
I’ve mentioned before that I haven’t bought a copy of FHM in ages. I just don’t think it’s worth it. Every time I see a copy of FHM on a magazine rack, I see a hot chick seducing me to give up 150 pesos for stuff that I can find all over the Internet. I always get tempted, but I’m strong. I’m always like “Fuck you, FHM! You’re not the boss of my manly desires!” And then I walk away, proud of myself. Not this time, though. It’s Sam Pinto, you guys! I’ve been crushing on her ever since I first saw that Voice combo sandwich. And today, I think I just moved it up a notch.
Hours have past and I’ve only read her part of the magazine. It’s a decent interview, I gotta say. Nothing special. It’s your typical FHM interview where questions about a girl’s boobs get thrown after a lengthy discussion about why the girl doesn’t think she’s sexy. I haven’t even browsed the 100 Sexiest Women in the World section yet. I guess it’s pretty clear that I won’t be buying next month’s issue. Meh.
The point of all this? I’m madly in love with Sam Pinto. I just want to put that out there. And just in case it’s still not clear, here’s a creepy photo that represents my feelings for her:
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… wait, you’re not?
She went home with me too, just the other night. This Sam Pinto doesn’t deserve you, Gino. She’s evil.
Maybe if it were your penis and not your fingers.
How the barbecue sauce ended up in your chest was not discussed in graphic detail. My dick is disappoint.
I want a copy. Fuck yeah, Sam Pinto!
@Steel: Oh, it’s just one of those “too busy staring at porn dibidis on the side of the road while eating street food to notice I’m getting barbecue sauce on my shirt” kind of stories.