Must be 18-30 years old and female. Preferably single. And hot.
Must be willing to be called “Sweetheart” while sharing a story book romance with a dick like me.
I want your love and I want your revenge. You and me could write a Baddie romance.
Must be aware that “shits” and “stuffs” are not the plural forms of “shit” and “stuff”, respectively.
Must be able to look past my unpleasant exterior, as well as my pungent aroma.
Must understand and accept the fact that I am not a dog person. I like cats, though. Because they’re hilarious.
Must be comfortable with awkward silences because, believe me, there will be a lot of that. I am the master of awkward silences. THE MASTER!
Must like listening to different kinds of music, preferably old school rock n’ roll. And rap. Fo’ shizzle, YA HURRRD?!
Must have patience for clumsy people. I’m the biggest clumsy dolt ever. I’m like Frankenstein’s monster in a burning priceless porcelain shop.
Must be able to appreciate mushy one-liners no matter how corny they are. Also, haiku poems.
Must have the ability to feign interest when I start talking about comics, pro wrestling and Michael Bay movies.
Must NOT have the urge to check cellphone every couple of minutes.
Must be familiar with Internet lingo. I don’t want to see a blank stare when I say “BRB”.
Must be willing to assume the role of Epic Drinking Buddy when necessary.
Must NOT be a bitch when I set the date at some seedy watering hole.
Must be a reader. Books or blogs, I don’t care. Chicks who read are sexy. Chicks who read and write are sexier.
Must have a heart kind enough to laugh at my jokes (dick or non-dick). Bonus points if laughter is funnier than jokes.
Must be able to see that even though I’m fat, ugly and dumb, I am a fan of Romance.
Unexplainable appreciation for explosions a huge plus.
Send your resume to bigbaddie [at] gmail [dot] com. Please include a full body photo. For questions, please contact me through this form. I’m looking forward to falling in love with you. Have a nice day!
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but I do not think you are fat and ugly -_-
also, rap is bad for my health. lol
isesend ko itong link na ito sa aking ibang single friends, hehe
@DK: You forgot to say you don’t think I’m dumb. :)) Also, rap is funny! And single HOT friends only, please. Thanks, Kath. You’re the best.
Must understand and accept the fact that I am not a dog person.
:( HAHAHA. Anyway, I agree with the first comment! Oh and you’re not dumb. :)
@Patrica: If you can keep the dog away from my immediate kicking zone, I can be a dog person. Heh. Aww, you’re the best too, Pat. :))
I just remembered that it’s our dogs’ birthday on the 14th! Haha. I guess I’ll be spending Valentine’s with them. :))
its a very long list. :P found your EPIC drinking buddy yet? :D
Ohhhh! I almost skipped the preferably single part. I love cats, awkward silences, rock n’roll, seedy watering holes, and reading! Alternatively, I wanted to apply for Epic Drinking Buddy (because I’m physically strong and I like strong beer) but I’m neither hot nor moneyed. Hehe.
I love this post, Bigbaddie!
@Kawen: Not yet. Want to apply? :D
@Vida: Thanks, VIda! Liking beer automatically makes you hot. lulz
AKO AKO AKO! Ipagluluto pa kita. 8->
Dami namang requirements. xD
@Anne: You don’t drink. It will never work between us. :(
@Euri: Syempre. Dapat sinasala ang mga ka-date. :))
You break my heart, Ginobear. =(
Boo. Reject nga application ko for drinking buddy, dito pa kaya.
Was blog hopping and found this… Cute and funny! This made me laugh:
“I’m like Frankenstein’s monster in a burning priceless porcelain shop.”
I agree with them. I don’t think you’re dumb. ^_^ Good luck!
@Funandfearless: Thanks! I’m glad you appreciated that part of the entry because that’s my favorite. Heh.
I also know a lot of hot single women and I could hook you up with them… but they haz kids. Heh. So how do you feel about MILFs? =D
@isel: Well it depends on the MILF, really. Right now, the only MILF I’m interested in is Kate Beckinsale.