July 9th, 2008 Movies
Seeking vengeance (which is, really, the best reason ever to do anything) for the death of her mother, a sorta hot high school girl, with a vagina that has teeth that looks like a combination of eel and shark teeth, has sex with her stepbrother who is a total asshole. Her vagina bites off said asshole’s penis and it falls to the floor. The asshole’s dog then eats the bloody male sex organ. Hilarity ensues.
With intense penis-chomping and penis-eating action, this scene earns its spot in film history greatness.
*** This great moment in film history is from the movie with bite, Teeth.
July 7th, 2008 Movies
The #1 zombie stripper attraction of an underground strip club uses her zombie vagina to shoot ping pong and billiard balls at her rival zombie stripper who uses a dance pole to hit said projectiles towards the superstar zombie stripper’s zombie face. It’s a back and forth battle of zombie wits and zombie ingenuity. (boobies blurred for you prudes out there)
Nudity, zombies, Jenna Jameson, balls, and gore. You just can’t argue with the resulting greatness.
*** This great moment in film history is from the elegantly named movie, Zombie Strippers.
July 2nd, 2008 TV
The Middleman is a new TV series based on a comic book by Javier Grillo-Marxuach. It’s about a secret agency that deals with “exotic problems” like talking gorillas, evil terracotta warriors, and vengeful luchadores. It sounds silly, but it’s a smart amalgamation of comedy and science fiction. I totally loved the first two episodes, and after I saw the third one, it dawned on me: This is quite possibly the most awesome TV show in the history of all that you know. I suggest you all watch the show and be ROCKED. If you need to be convinced, let me spoil the aforementioned third episode for you:
The Middleman (Matt Keeslar) is one swell guy, but he does need a helping hand once in a while. That’s where his trusty hot sidekick, Wendy (Natalie Morales), comes in.
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