A Plurker’s Manifesto

I’ve noticed that Plurk is slowly pulling in some of my non-Internet friends and acquaintances. A sign of increasing popularity in the Philippines, perhaps? If so, I guess it’s time for me to shove a blog post about Plurk down your throats. I’ve been a plurker for more than a month now, and by Blogosphere Law, that means I can already act like a Plurk expert! So here, ladies and gentlemen, is a list of requests demands for all veteran, newbie, and future plurkers. Read it and live your Plurk life by it for the common good.

1. Make your user name short and sweet. For those of you who still don’t have a Plurk account but are seriously considering getting one, make your user name as short as possible. During discussions, people may link to your Plurk profile by typing your user name preceded by the at symbol (e.g. @baddie = baddie). Don’t make it a hassle for them to type a really long user name. Also, avoid using alternating letters and numbers (e.g. b0p01s). It’s annoying.

2. Go easy on your display name. When you reach 40 karma, you’d be able to change your display name. This is fun for you, and if you manage to change your display name into something funny or entertaining, it could be fun for your Plurk friends as well. But, don’t overdo it. Changing your display name regularly can be annoying. Also, don’t use special characters. It may look cool for you, but it will probably look like garbage in other people’s eyes.

3. Don’t obsess over your karma. Raving or ranting about your karma changes is perfectly understandable if you’re new to Plurk. I understand how exciting it is to see your karma increasing. It’s also fun to unlock new emoticons and abilities. But if you’ve been Plurking for quite a while now, it’s terribly annoying if you keep plurking about your karma fluctuations. Plus, if you make a big deal out of losing karma points, you’d just look pathetic. Same thing with throwing a plurk in people’s timelines just to keep your karma up.

4. Don’t post emoticon-only plurks. Really. If you’re sad, give us a little background on your apparent gloomy emotional state. If you just post a sad emoticon, your plurk thread will be filled with “Why?” and “Aww. :(” responses that will totally bore your non-stalker Plurk friends. If you’re happy, don’t just post the fucking IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!! dancing banana guy. Expound.

5. Links should be described and clicked. People share links so others can click on them, view the news article, blog post, or website, and then discuss whatever needs to be discussed on the plurk thread. If you’re going to ask questions and you didn’t bother to click the link, chances are you’ll get a “CLICK THE FUCKING LINK AND READ/VIEW THE FUCKING ARTICLE/POST/SITE!” response. So, you either click the link or you shut the hell up. If you’re the one sharing the link, describe the linked article/website. Don’t make people click on a link out of blind curiosity. If it turns out to be uninteresting for them, they probably won’t click on your future links. And they’ll most likely think of you as a douchebag.

6. Use the Private Plurks feature. You don’t need to bother everybody with a plurk that only concerns one or two of your Plurk buddies. If they really are your buddies, you probably have them as your instant messaging contacts already. Use your IM client instead. It’s not rocket science, people.

7. iF y0u tYp3 LyK diS, I’m g0iNg t0 ki11 u aNd uR fUcKiNg d0g! Seriously, if you’re one of those idiots who microblogs in Leetspeak, or like they’re text messaging, or like their keyboard is possessed by The Demon Lord of Stupid, spare yourself the anguish and don’t add people up. No, wait. Scratch that. If you’re one of those idiots, GET OFF THE FUCKING INTERNETS.

8. Don’t repeat yourself. Don’t be redundant. Posting several plurks about the same topic consecutively? Not cool. I don’t care if you’re watching a ridiculously awesome movie. It should only get one plurk. If I see “This movie is awesome!”, “I love the star of this movie!”, and “Is this movie awesome? Maybe. I’M KIDDING! IT’S SPECFUCKINGTACULAR!” plurked within minutes of each other, you’re off my timeline, buddy!

9. The “SPOILERS” and “NSFW” words are your friends. If you’re going to post a video or an image, make sure to tag them appropriately. A simple “NSFW” right before a ridiculously large image of a topless hot chick with huge knockers will be awesome for those of us in a school or work environment. Warn people too if you’re sharing spoilers for a new movie or a fresh episode of a TV show. In other words, don’t be an ass.

10. Be interesting. It’s fine to post the minute details of your life like the food you ate for lunch or the last words you heard from the dude you just ran over with your car, but it’ll be sweet if you can share some interesting links, videos, and images once in a while. You can also start exciting discussions and colorful debates just by asking unique questions. Don’t go for the “What are you doing right now aside from plurking?” or “What was the last thing you ate?” questions. That’s boring. Also, plurk threads based on Yes-or-No questions die early deaths. Unless you and your friends are obsessing over the karma system. In that case, YOU’RE DEAD TO ME.

I know I sound mean, but I don’t plurk to do business. I don’t have to take unnecessary crap from anybody. This is something I do to socialize and have fun online. So if you’re constantly annoying me and flooding my timeline with your stupid shit, you’re off my friends list. Nothing personal, it’s ju– well, actually, it is personal. I take personal offense when people ruin my Plurk experience. And I bet a lot of you share my sentiments. So, add me?

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