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Notice I used “probably” in the title instead of “surely”? Well that’s because there’s a slight chance that I’ll marry someone who will totally be OK with my brilliant ideas like pizza for breakfast everyday. Lots of crazy chicks running around these days.
A few days ago, a discussion was started on Twitter about baby names. I’d like to link to the relevant tweets, but I’m lazy. Yay me! Besides, you’d be lucky to read those tweets because Twitter’s being a douche these days. Anyway, that discussion reminded me of one baby name that I really loved ever since high school. “Scarlett”. I don’t know, there’s something about that name that evokes strength and femininity. But I stopped loving it when Scarlett Johansson became a prominent fixture in Hollywood. Just think about it. If I name my future daughter “Scarlett”, the first thing that will come to mind whenever I say her name is this:
That would be totally weird. So I’m thinking maybe it’s time I think of new baby names that I’ll try to give my future kids and will probably be rejected by my future wife who will totally be a pain in my future ass. Here’s what I came up with:
GIRL NAMES
Her nickname will be “Trixie”. She’ll never take shit from the opposite sex. If they try anything funny, she’ll give them the worst asskicking of their lives. I’ll give her a catchphrase to make those beatings extra cool. “BALLS BEGONE!” oughta do it.
She’ll grow up to be one of the richest bitches this side of Oprah. She’d probably work as a top tier prostitute because really, her name’s a total fit for high class booty sales. But I’d still be proud. I might even invite her and some of her ho friends over our house every Sunday. That’ll be sweet.
She’ll be the ultimate seductress by the time she reaches 13. Her name will function as a warning for all the males on the planet. If they even think of getting it on with her, they’ll know who will kick down their stupid doors and punch them IN THE FACE!
BOY NAMES
He will go down in history as the Totally Awesomest Guy Ever. He’ll be stylin’ and profilin’ while kicking ass and taking names. No one will want to mess with my boy. NO ONE!
I’m thinking he’ll be a lot like me when I was a kid: a cross between the boys of Jackass and Mr. Bean. He’ll probably get a lot of scars with all the crazy shit he’ll be pulling like maybe getting in the way of my roundhouse kicks. He’ll live.
What?
Future Wife, if you’re reading this, I’m just kidding. I won’t bother you with these stupid names. IF you promise to give me head everyday. BOO-YAH! No, I’m kidding. Heh. Maybe.
God this entry is stupid.
P.S. As I was writing this, I noticed that that wacky chick Helga has also written something about her future kids. Sort of. Is it Think About Your Future Kids season? Crazy.
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aaactually, helga’s baby names entry was here:
http://blog.ditz-revolution.net/2008/03/30/my-five-rules-for-naming-my-kids/
well its not that bad.. mine are: Bruno, Bogart and Barbie… i dont know why i like these names. im naming a couple of puppies or my kids that way, whichever comes first.
The last photo looks oddly familia… OMG!
@Tere: Not that bad, eh? Marry me? 8->
@Fritz: You will never have a good night’s sleep ever again. My job here is done!
Gino Jr. is an abomin…ADORABLE!
I looove "Supreme Venomous Gladiatrix" and "Devastator"!!! I am trying to erase Gino Jr’s photo out of my memory. :(
Think the Chrizo would agree to naming our daughter Baddie’s Sexy Daughter? Cos damn, that’s a pretty cool name.
I’m sure Gino Jr. will grow up retarded.
@Steel: I will make you his godfather!
@Ria: Hater. Hmf.
@LOLga: EVERYBODY should name their daughter Baddie’s Sexy Daughter. There’s no reason not to!
@Ade: Retardedly handsome! AMIRITE?!
@Baddie — okay, but gino jr. will be going up for adoption.
@Tere: …
…
Deal.
or choleng or naning or meow meow or arf arf
Baddie can’t produce blonde children because he has no hair.
@Pau: No one can produce blonde children because we all produce bald kids. The little runts just decide to grow some hair because they’re not awesome like me.