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With all the good times I’m having on the Internet these days, I’ve forgotten how important TV is in my life. I mean, I grew up in the warm glow of several TV sets. They nurtured me into the fine young man I am today. OK, I’m shitting you. My IQ took a beating while I was a slave to TV’s enchanting moving pictures with sound. Switching my attention to the Internet isn’t helping. But I digress. My point is, during the long weekend, I reconnected with Mr. TV and I found a therapeutic voice amidst all the whining in reality TV shows, the lame lines in crappy movies, and the moaning of animals during sexy time on National Geographic. I’ve discovered Nigella.

Mmm… muffins.

I’ve seen Nigella Lawson before in her show Nigella Bites, but I was too busy focusing on her culinary skills. No, I’m not trying to learn how to cook. I just love looking at food. That explains my fat ass. Anyhoo, during the long weekend, I discovered her latest show, Nigella Express. I am officially smitten. Not by her pretty face, though. Don’t get me wrong, she’s pretty like hell. She even has a rockin’ rack to go with it. She’s 48, but I’d hit it. English MILF FTW! What? Smitten by…? Oh, right. I’m smitten by her voice and sexy, sexy British accent. Divine I tells ya! Observe:

You know when you hear someone speak and you just melt into an almost trance-like state? No? Well, I know how’s it like. I experience it whenever I watch Nigella cooking meals using exotic ingredients with names I don’t even know how to pronounce, let alone spell. There’s something in her presentation that relaxes and soothes me. She makes cooking sexy and sophisticated. She even makes describing food poetic. That’s her Oxford degree in medieval and modern languages showing, I think.

The last time someone from TV land made me experience this kind of TV therapy was when The Joy of Painting was still on. That Bob Ross guy and his happy little trees are the shiz!

I usually don’t crush on older women, but Nigella’s an exception. I’m happy to know that I can still find something (or someone 8->) on TV that can seriously relieve my stress. I can feel masturbation jokes coming in the comments section, but yeah. Whatever.

• And There Was Light