The New Seven Deadly Sins: I’m Screwed
So, the Vatican has introduced seven new deadly sins. Do they have a committee that decides this kind of shit or something? The Committee of Sins, perhaps? Anyway, these new deadly sins (Genetic Modification, Experimenting on Humans, Polluting the Environment, Causing Social Injustice, Causing Poverty, Becoming Obscenely Wealthy, and Taking Drugs) are more hip than the original seven, and it doesn’t sit well with the old guys.
Pride: We were the first! Why do we need another seven?! We were the stars of a Brad Pitt movie, goddammit!
Wrath: DIE, N00BS! DIE!!!
Lust: Fakers. We can totally kick their pretentious asses. Mmmm… asses. Gangbang, anyone?
Gluttony: Hey, you gonna eat that genetically modified tomato?
Envy: Nobody talked about us when we were introduced to the world. The Internet didn’t turn on the hype machine when we arrived! Why should these punks get all the attention and the drama?!
Sloth: Meh.
Greed: All sinners are ours for the taking! Not yours, OURS! Also, get off our lawn!
If you ask me, the original Seven Deadly Enemies of Man have a point. Do we really need seven more deadly enemies? The originals are deadly enough for chrissakes. Gluttony and Sloth alone guarantee my soul to be Satan’s property after I kick the damn bucket.
Not my picture. Ass.
Know what I suggest? Replace the original seven with the new ones. The originals are way too general anyway. Their names are pretty cool, though. But I’m 7 out of 7 while they’re in charge. I feel perfectly benevolent with the new guys. Or maybe not.
God: Let’s see here… Have you genetically modified any living creature or plant life?
Baddie: Hell no! I’m sorry, I meant “Of course not”.
God: Check. Have you experimented on humans?
Baddie: Well, once I messed with their minds when I let them think I was your bastard son.
God: …
Baddie: It was a birthday party. We were all drunk. Fun times.
God: Well then, that’s OK. Check. Have you taken drugs, though?
Baddie: Not the illegal kind, no. I think.
God: Umm… good. Check. Have you caused social injustice in some form or another?
Baddie: I’m a practitioner of Fair Play, man. I’m all about Justice. In fact, I’m a Libra!
God: Fine. Check. Have you caused poverty?
Baddie: Nope. I love the poor. I stay away from the homeless, though. They creep me out.
God: Check. You obscenely wealthy?
Baddie: HAHAHAHAHA! No.
God: Check. Do you pollute the environment?
Baddie: Well, I throw cigarette butts out of the window of my car when I’m driv–
God: WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME!
Baddie: Shit.
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is it me or is pedophilia not included?
Does fucking with people’s heads fall under "human experimentation"? Cos if it does, I’m screwed. :(
I think… I’m going to heaven. New deadly sins FTW!!!
I can see that somebody’s been watching the Inconvenient Truth and loving it! And Ade, if pedophilia gets a covetted seat in that list, I’ve got two words for you my friend: altar boys. Connect the dot matrix.
Becoming obscenely wealthy is a sin? That does NOT make sense. Mabuti sana if you become obscenely wealthy through, I dunno, illegal ways. Is there a fine print somewhere?
Besides, the seven deadly sins sound like more fun. The new ones are harder to accomplish. Hahahaha.
Basta! They’re weird. Taking drugs sounds oddly out of place cuz it’s a teeny tiny thing compared to, say, social injustice.
WEIRD. Yun na lang masasabi ko. WEEIIIIIRD.
P.S. Cute mo sa pic, Baddie. ;D
Fantastic! Die, noobs, die! I’m sticking with lust, it’s served me well so far.
@Ade: I guess it’s filed under Lust. And maybe even Greed and Gluttony. What?
@LOLen: We all are, LOLen. We all are. Or… are we? I’m messing with your mind now! HUHLOLZ! Or… am I? I’ve just sinned. Heh. Or… have I?
@FunnySexy: If you ask me, being funny AND sexy at the same time is a sin. It’s just unnatural. God hates unnatural things, so see you in hell! lulz
@Fritz: Well played, sir. Well played.
@JewLOL: Oh yeah? Well, I’M COMING FOR YOUR SOUL!
@Deb on the Rocks: Lust is my favorite sin too. High five?
baddie- exercise ka po and less smoking. these are my sins as well, so let us do it together (quit smoke and start exercise)
Wow. I wanted to write about this topic. Great minds look alike!
Yeah, you know what, I always thought the original seven deadly sins were deadly enough. Now, Kevin Spacey’s Seven barely makes sense, goddamn it.
Does masturbation fall under lust, or is it cool if I masturbate and not think of anything indecent?
We’re all going to hell in a hand basket. Even lil old atheist me.
@Bigdaddy: Yes, sir.
@Pau: YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE, ARAOS!
@Bim: Where’s the fun in that?
@Helga: Hand basket’s gay. That’s for Pau and Ade. I’m going to hell in a TANK!
That was hilarious. :)
@Pandora: I love you.
Vatican is full of LIES. You catholics, why do you still keep on believing their lies and that false priest you call the pope?
There is ONLY ONE FATHER, the FATHER IN HEAVEN. That pope is NOT the father, is NOT perfect, is NOT the way to the Father in Heaven (JESUS IS THE WAY), is NOT infallible.
You catholics are so blinded. Now they are going to insist that you avoid the Modern 7 Sins? WTF!
Do you catholics even think? We can not experiment on humans? C’mon, who are you kidding? The whole human race is doomed to hell because of that new modern sin. We will never have new medicines if we can not experiment on humans.
STUPID. And you catholics are BLINDED by the ROMAN EMPIRE’S CATHOLIC CHURCH OF LIES.
Whether the Vatican officially announced a new stupid list of 7 sins or it was some stupid priest’s opinion does not even matter here. The fact that Vatican and the Roman Empire’s Catholic Church committed a lot of atrocities against races and nations in the past is proof enough not to believe their LIES.
Catholics are BLIND.
The SEVEN SINS of the CATHOLIC CHURCH and the VATICAN:
1) God said to WORSHIP only HIM. But the Catholics worship Mary a MERE MORTAL.
2) Catholics call Mary "Mother", if you ask them why, they will say Jesus called Mary "Mother". Where in the CATHOLIC BIBLE was it mentioned? Jesus always call mary "WOMAN".
3) Catholics promote DEAD PEOPLE to sainthood. But Jesus calls us all SAINTS. Who do we follow? The LIES of the Vatican or the TRUTHS of Jesus?
4) God said JESUS IS THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE, NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH HIM (JESUS). But the Pope is the father, the way, the truth to heaven. LIES again!
5) The Pope is INFALLIBLE? Who are you kidding? THe Bible said there is not one man except for the man called Jesus, who was without sin. All have fallen short of the Glory of God and sinned. THAT INCLUDES THE POPE.
6) Catholics claim Saint Peter was the first pope. PETER NEVER STEPPED ON ROME! And archaeological records has proved that PETER’s bones were buried in ISRAEL!! So that disproves the Catholic claim that Peter’s bones are buried UNDER the Vatican!
7) The Catholic Church and the Vatican created a lot of teachings not found on their OWN CATHOLIC BIBLE. IMAGINE THAT! They are lying to their ownselves! Jesus/God said, ANY TEACHINGS BEYOND WHAT HE (God/Jesus) TAUGHT US ARE OF THE DEVIL!
HUHLOLZ
ok, this sooo WIN. I’m now going to court 2 older (politically correct: elderly? retired? senior? geezers?) sins by LUSTing after baddie and GREEDily reading it again.
meh. the bible, in its form today, is the best-selling fiction book of all time. made by greedy men, for greedy men’s own ends.
OnT: you’re right baddie. they should include religious intolerance to the list. remove doing drugs, drugs are so good they send you to heaven.
I was gonna write about this but haven’t had the time, anyway the new seven is ridiculous.
just to lighten things up a bit. i think malu fernandez would definitely go to hell then (if she’s not roasting here yet) for social injustice.
the bia*ch wrote another one of her half-assed dim-witted articles.
Never mind social injustice, she’s guilty of Gluttony. CLEARLY. AMIRITE?!
this is ridiculous. why can’t they just add another category instead of changing it all together? too bad for the school kids, they have to memorize the long, new 7 deadly sins.
whoa!!Scary!!!
Riiiiiight.
Hahaha! You rock man!
uhm, comment re: Vatican-LIES, points raised are all true according to the Scriptures, but if you are representing Jesus Christ’s words, please mellow down a bit, good grief… Give justice to the Scripture’s holiness. I understand your anger, perhaps it can even be righfully called "righteous indignation", but keep your heart in check, ayt? :) Ephesians, "be angry, but do not sin."
I was Catholic before I became a believer, no, Catholics are not blind, they are God’s lost sheeps because of the wrong doctrines being fed them that is why those who were already found love them with mercy and undying emphaty, we pray for them to be found (as in for them to see their depravity and how much they need Christ in their lives) so that we can be with them someday in God’s kingdom. Amen? :)
oh, and may I add, and that includes the Pope…
re: new 7 sins, just look at the list and you will see that they all fall under one category – Idolatry.
1st commandment according to the Bible: Thou shall not have other gods before me.
So no, they are not new, they’ve been in existence since time immemorial. The vatican just did a bit of "sugarcoating".